In a letter historians call ?The Epistle To Diognetus,? an unknown second century disciple wrote to a skeptic named Diognetus to answer his questions about this strange new religion called ?Christianity.? The opening lines of his letter capture what people must have found so appealing about followers of Jesus roughly 1,750 years ago.
?I have noticed, my lord Diognetus, the deep interest you have been showing in Christianity, and the close and careful inquiries you have been making about it. You would like to know what God Christians believe in, and what sort of cult they practice which enables them to set so little store by this world, and even to make light of death ? since they reject the deities revered by the Greeks no less than they disclaim the superstitions professed by the Jews. You are curious, too, about the warm fraternal affection they all feel for one another ?I pray God, the Author of both our speech and hearing, to grant me such use of my tongue that you may derive the fullest benefit from listening to me.?
Notice that phrase, ??even to make light of death.?
I wonder how many times Diognetus had watched a disciple of Jesus die a martyr's death before he was prompted to ask spiritual questions.
One of the strange things about 21st century churches is the lengths we are willing to go to look, talk and act like the people we are trying to reach and our obsession with making Christianity easy and palatable. If we learn anything from our spiritual forbears, most of whom blow us out of the water evangelistically, it is that evangelism flourishes the more difficult and counter-cultural we make the Christian journey, not the other way around.
Just recently I was reminded of this while teaching in our weekend worship services. We were studying that horrible story in 1 Samuel 15 where God tells Saul to do something that we find incomprehensible today. In verse three of that chapter God told Saul,
?Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.??
While I was preaching I kept thinking, ?This is it. This is going to be the sermon when some nut jumps out of his seat and hurls a large coffee at me and storms out.? Fortunately that didn't happen. But after the message I braced for the worst in the hallway. Surprisingly it never came. In fact, just the opposite happened. I was shocked. Spiritual inquirers I had been building bridges with for over a year came up to me and complimented me like I was Billy Graham. At first I was tempted to pat myself on the back and shout, ?You da man, Brian! You da man!? But I knew it had nothing to do with my meager teaching skills. Non-believers I encounter aren't grabbed by easy, make-me-comfortable messages. What spiritual inquirers want is to hear a counter-cultural word from God, even if they vehemently disagree with it.
One of the hardest things for a non-believer to handle, at least in our context, is baptism. In fact, shortly after our new church in Philly launched we lost 27 people in one week over this issue. In my experience nothing un-nerves a skeptic more than watching someone get baptized. That's a good thing. One reason it disturbs them is it's a little odd. And if you've ever seen a baptism, admit it, on the surface, it is a strange thing to watch. One day a guy is putting with his buddy Harry on the 8th hole of the neighborhood golf course, and the next day he's joined some nutty religious group dunking him under water. It's also humbling. Everyone gets wet. No exceptions. No-one can baptize themselves. Everyone is stripped down to a t-shirt and shorts just like everyone else. Cell phones don't work real well when wet. Neither do luxury cars, expensive homes and stock options. Baptism makes everyone equal. But the biggest reason non-believers are unnerved by the image of baptism is because they get it -- they finally get what it means to be a disciple. Nothing in our religion so powerfully conveys the counter-cultural re-direction of a life like a person being baptized. Baptism is an act that tells an unbelieving world we're slamming on the brakes with both feet, wildly swerving the car around and heading back up a one-way cultural street.
Romans chapter six makes it clear that one of the primary images Jesus had in mind was decomposition. Baptism is actually a mock tomb. You are lowered into the water as if you were being lowered into a grave. As you come up it symbolizes that, just as Jesus was raised from the dead, we too are raised to live a completely different life. It is like God is saying through this image, ?Let me clarify something from the very beginning. This whole journey is about death. Death to your self. Death to the culture in which you live. Death to your ambitions, your dreams, your wishes, your everything. But it's also about life. My life within you. My life to recreate. My life to work in and through and around you to accomplish my will on this earth.?
One of my children's favorite games when we go on vacation is a game they call, ?Baptize the sinner.? It goes something like this. Starting 1,400 miles away from our destination my kids start asking, ?Are we there yet?? After 32,435 ?Not yets? we finally make it to the hotel. We drag our suitcases to the room, they change into their swimsuits in under three seconds flat and make a mad dash for the pool. We'll swim for what seems like hours and then at some point I'll overhear my middle daughter yell out, ?Are you a sinner!?!? My oldest will yell back, ?Yes!? And then my middle one will yell back, ?Well, be baptized you sinner and become a Christian!? and slam her into the water like a heavyweight wrestler. Then my newly redeemed offspring will jump up and say, ?My turn. My turn.? This continues until everyone has been dunked four or five times. When I first saw this I muttered to my wife, ?This is utter blasphemy.? She laughed, ?What kinds of games do you expect Pastor's kids to play??
Baptism has the same affect on skeptics too. It's a mental image that's hard to shake, especially at our baptism services when as soon as people come up out of the water people hoot and scream and clap and high five one another.
Sometimes it's hard to know how far we've strayed from the course until we receive an outside reminder. In 1883 the scholarly community was riveted when a previously unknown Christian document from the second century was re-discovered and published. Early church leaders and others talked about a book called ?The Teaching of the Apostles? that had somehow gotten lost in the shuffle of history. That book, now commonly called, ?The Didache,? which is the Greek word for ?the teaching,? seems to be a second century church handbook on how to make disciples. If we were to create a similar document today, I wonder how we would begin such a document. Maybe we might be tempted to list all the benefits of becoming a Christian or how Jesus meets all of our needs and desires. However, what was the first line of ?The Didache??
?There are two Ways: a Way of Life and a Way of Death, and the difference between these two Ways is great.?
Brian Jones is the author of Second Guessing God: Hanging on When You Can't See Plan (March 2006) and the founding Senior Pastor of Christ's Church of the Valley in Collegeville, PA. More information about his writing and speaking can be found at
Making Things At Home
Yup, a complaint. Ahhh! A complaint?! But you poured your heart and soul into it, how could they complain?
Then you take a breath, and you read what they're asking for, and you realize... they were right. You DID make a mistake. Things are goofed up, perhaps badly.
Time to hang up your hat and go work in a cafe?
Well, no, not really. But it can sure feel that way. Why is it that when you get a complaint it always stirs you up?
I could say it's a gift from Source (and it is) but let's not go there immediately. Before you try to figure it out, take a moment, or two, or an hour, or even half a day, for yourself.
That's right, you don't have to respond immediately.
Not every complaint is going to shake you, but when they do resist the urge to respond immediately. Instead, take time for yourself to feel upset, to connect with your heart, and to realize that perhaps it's not as bad as you might think.
Once you catch up to your heart, then it's time to respond. Let's take a look, shall we?
We apologize for any inconvenience...
This is exactly what you -don't- want to say. Unfortunately, there's been 'corporate' language creeping into every day speech. Plus, as a small business owner, you don't necessarily see what other small business owners do in the dark of their email inboxes, so you don't have other examples.
You and I are only used to seeing the kind of emails/letters/phone calls that the big boys send out to their millions of customers.
This is not what you want to emulate. Not.
The three most important things in an apology response.
When someone complains, they are actually giving you an incredible testimonial. You see, trust and hope have been broken so often in our culture, that many people just take average or below-average as 'normal.'
For instance, our trash can broke just a year or two after we bought it. A trash can? It should last for years, really, but I didn't expect any better. And I didn't complain to anyone (except my wife.)
So, if you get a complain, that means they trust you enough to show you how much they wanted your offer/product/service to work for them. That they trusted you enough to handle them with care, even when they are upset. That they trusted that you will take care of them.
That's a lot of trust.
So, how about those three things that are needed in the response? Let's take a closer look at them.
Keys to Caring for Complaints.
? Hear ye, O hear ye!
First and foremost they want to be heard. They want you to hear the facts of the matter, but even more importantly, they want you to get that they are upset to some degree.
Read their email, or letter, or listen to the words they spoke carefully. Did they say they were "frustrated?" Or did they say they were "really upset!" Did their tone sound like it had a LOT of energy in it, or was it fairly mild.
You want to let them know that you get exactly how upset they are, and the tone of the emotion. If someone says "really upset!" don't say: "Sounds like you're a little frustrated."
They aren't a little frustrated- they are "really upset!" So let them know you see it: "Wow, I get that you are really upset! I'm glad you let me know how upset you are!"
? It's 'me' not 'we.'
We've all been trained to say "we" in these kinds of situations. "We apologize for any inconvenience." But, seriously, who is "we?" Even if you have a company of 10,000, you are the person responding.
They showed you trust by complaining, show them trust by being a little vulnerable here, don't hide behind the 'we' even if other people were involved.
For instance: 'I'm sad about the goof, because I want you to get the best from me (or us if there is more than one of you), and I'm grateful you let me know so I can fix it.'
? Accountability.
Tell them how you're going to fix the problem. Give details. Instead of 'We'll replace it for you.' try writing something like this:
'I'm putting the replacement in the mail today by priority mail- you should have it in about three days. Please let me know when you receive it and if it's in good shape.'
Most of all, respond to the people who complain as you would talk to a good friend, not to someone who you need to hide from or keep at an arm's length.
An example.
We received an email asking about an order- and, you know what, our system dropped the order, and we weren't tracking. We got paid, but we never shipped the item. Luckily, this happens rarely.
The instinct from corporate examples is to respond like this:
"We apologize for any inconvenience. We're sending you a replacement copy immediately, and you should have it very soon. We really appreciate your business, and we want to make this right with you.
Sincerely,"
It's perfectly fine, in some ways. And yet, here is how we like to respond:
"Wow- I'm so sorry that we goofed your order like that! Ugh! I can imagine you've been frustrated, wondering where in the heck your order is, and here it is more than a week later!
"I want you to know that I just put your book into a priority mail envelope and it's going out today. It should take about three days to get to you. If you don't have it by Tuesday, let me know.
"apologies! appreciation!
"Mark (or whomever is writing the email)"
And, we also usually put a little extra gift in the package, as a surprise, when we goof.
If you let yourself breathe through your initial reaction to a complaint, then you will see the deep trust that is being given, and you can return it in a way that will feel great to your heart.
Stick with saying "me" instead of "we," being authentic, and show them how you are going to fix it, and you'll see how goof-ups can actually be doorways to creating deeper trust, and your upset clients just might turn into raving fans.
Both Admin & are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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