Why is infidelity such a painful experience? Let us follow the lives of Joe and Sue to find some keys to the pain.



Joe and Sue grew up next door to one another in the suburbs. In high school they began to date and midway through college Joe ask Sue to marry him. To this union were born three children, two boys and a girl.

Money was sometimes tight as the kids began to grow older so Joe started working late at the office to make ends meet. A few months later Sue noticed that money was just as tight or tighter even though Joe was working very late almost every night. When she mentioned this to Joe, a big fight followed and Joe left.

A few days later after Joe had cooled off a bit, he called Sue to apologize and admitted that he had committed marital infidelity. He had not been working late all those nights. He agreed to seek counseling and wanted to work things out.

Sue was heartbroken and unsure that she would ever be able to forgive Joe. The person she had known for most of her life was not the man she thought he had been. She had trusted with her deepest secrets had betrayed her and she was deeply hurt.

We all want a story to end happily ever after, but many times stories such as these do not have happy endings. Many times the hurt is so deep and the mistrust is so instilled that marriages are broken and end in divorce.

Any time in the future, that Joe is late for dinner; those old feelings begin to surface once again. Has he found someone else? Whenever he becomes annoyed at the situation, Joe may be tempted to escape to another place without all the pressures of home.

Somewhere along the way, friends and families may find out what has happened. They too may feel the hurt and friendships may even be broken.

If the experience ends in divorce, the children find themselves pulled between each parent. Sometimes one or the other parent moves to a distant location and children only have opportunity to vision during summers or school breaks. Although parents are warned not to divorce their kids, kids feel abandonment. The pain of infidelity continues to grow.

Even if Sue re-marries or finds another significant other, doubts from the first relationship continue to hinder her freely sharing her feelings since she has already been betrayed once.

Joe finds that his income, which was already being stretched thin, is now being split between his new household and that of his former family. He is paying an expensive price for his marital infidelity. He also finds that he has difficulty with trust. It is not that he cannot trust others. Joe has difficulty trusting himself.