Why do so many people find negotiations difficult? Husband and wife who can't agree over where to go on holiday and end up falling out? Unions and employers who can't agree on their wage deal and resort to threats and action? Or politicians who can't see eye to eye with their foreign counterparts over issues which make us all human? The reason, I believe, is that many of the people involved in negotiations do not understand the real nature of what they're involved in. To do that, they need to start by recognizing the 7 fundamental principles of negotiations.



Principle 1: Negotiations Are Trade By Another Name. Negotiation is trading. Like trading, it involves two parties who believe they can get something they want from each other. Like trading, it involves an exchange of offers. Like trading, it involves haggling, bargaining, bluffing, getting the best deal, a proper selfishness to get what you need. Like trading, it should end with both sides believing they have gained from the exchange. Like trading, it involves buying and selling, whether ideas or goods. Like trading, we can't win unless we're in the fray. Like trading, we fail if we are too greedy and we only really win if others win as well.

Principle 2: Negotiations Are The Best Means Around For Resolving Conflict. The essence of negotiations is conflict. Conflict manifests itself in differences of view, differences of opinion and differences of interest. When one party wants what another party has; when one group fails to agree on how to divide up limited resources; when one person does not see eye-to-eye with another; then there is conflict. Conflict, however, need never be the cause for unresolved dispute. If viewed in a positive way, as a start not an end position, it holds within itself the promise of new possibilities from which all sides can gain. Without conflict, there is nothing to resolve and so no negotiation; without facing up to conflict, there is no creative tension; and without the need to resolve conflict, there is no progress.

Principle 3: Negotiations Only Work Because Both Sides Have Different Needs. Negotiations reach deadlock when the parties believe they are both fighting for the same slice of the cake. But the cake is not fixed and doesn't have to be fought over. Each side can work out which piece of the cake they want.

A bad deal:

Dad, can I have a pound to spend?

No, go away. I'm tired.

A good deal:

Dad, can I have a pound to spend?

No...not unless you wash the car for me.

It would cost you £3 to wash the car at the garage. I'll do inside and out for £2.

£1.50 and make sure it's hoovered.

OK. Deal!

Principle 4: Negotiations Need Ritual To Replace Conflict. Negotiations follow ritual procedures. These include formalities at the start, such as the ritual exchange of formal letters outlining your differences, the presentation of respective cases, the haggling as each side moves towards each other, breakdown and then edging towards a settlement.

Ritual is important because...

* it enables conflict to be represented rather than real

* it provides a framework in which conflict can be raised in a business-like way

* it allows us to play roles rather than to be ourselves

* it encourages a climate of patience rather than temper, courtesy rather than anger, respect rather than hostility

* it adds a deeper meaning to the process.

Principle 5: Negotiations Are Back-And-Forth Communications. A negotiation is a form of communication: it takes place between people, usually face-to-face around the table, sometimes voice-to-voice on the phone and ultimately pen-to-paper. In the space of one negotiation session, the following communication skills may be needed: reading offers and proposals; giving a presentation; selling ideas and proposals; influencing; listening; taking notes; persuading; suggesting; empathising; reading and using body language; reporting back to others; writing clear agreements; making announcements to others. Not surprisingly, negotiations are often called "back and forth communications".

Principle 6: The Pace Of Negotiations Is Determined By Your Perceptions Of Power. Power - whether to give or not give, help or hinder, reward or punish, - lurks in the background of every negotiation.

* it forces you into negotiations in the first place, ie unless you meet us, we will inflict some kind of damage on you

* it is used as a pace-setter to ensure people do not drag their heels

* it is used to make settlements eg unless we agree, we'll use our power to impose some kind of sanction

* it ensures that settlements will be implemented as promised.

Power can be anything that has some kind of motivating influence over the other side, whether this is the possession of a desired product, an amount of money to give or withhold, the use of strong arguments or the power of someone's personality.

Principle 7: Negotiations Are Unpredictable. In wars, battles and sports contests, you can never be certain how things will work out. The unpredictable rears its head again and again. The same is true of negotiations.

* you do not know if you have guessed what the other side are after

* you do not know if they will say "yes" or "no" to your offer

* you do not know whether what is important to you is also important to them

* you do not know whether their constituents will accept your offer or yours will accept theirs

* you do not know whether the relationship between you will lead to liking or loathing.

You can guess and predict but you simply do not know.

When you don't understand the nature of negotiations, the process can be confusing and frustrating. It's like trying to play a game without knowing the rules. But when you do learn how negotiations work, you take one mighty step forward to opening up new possibilities in all your relationships with others.