In the first place, you're the envy of many people, excluding the ones who are crazy. Small town life is better suited for human beings. We were not meant to be crammed into 20-story skyscrapers that are less like apartments than filing cabinets for people. We were not meant to spend three hours per day in traffic. We shouldn't have to smoke cigarettes just to clean the smog out of our lungs.



Like breaking a bad habit, it will take some time before you lose your big-city ways and settle down with the locals. The locals can tell that you're from the big city. They can't miss it. They see the way you hug the walls and dart everywhere, speak only when spoken to, and drive your car like you stole it. You're either from the big city or seriously antisocial.

Your tempo of life will be exceptionally out of place the first year. This is because the big city has no tempo of life. It has a frenzy. The small town has a tempo, and it will gradually make itself known to you. It will come out in the way the postman gets to your door just before sunset, the stores all close by suppertime, and every driver on the road gives you the right of way. They'll gently nudge you into their way of thinking when they surprise you by remembering your name the next time you walk in the store, and indeed by caring what it was in the first place.

Just after you've moved to a small town is the best time to take some vacation from work. Give yourself a reason to sleep in a couple of mornings, then just tour around the town and take your time getting to know it. You won't have your potentially hectic job getting in your way, so you'll be able to relax. You'll also have a couple of nights to sit up in bed wondering what that sound is. Oh... it's crickets.

Big cities make you a little paranoid, and it will take some time for that twitchy reaction reflex to go away. You no longer need a crowbar to defend yourself from beggars and panhandlers in front of the store. Look around and notice the lack of graffiti and vandalism. Start your day with the local TV news; where before you got to hear an endless stream of shootings, robberies, and kidnappings, now a water main breaks in the town's only park - and it's the story of the day!

Shopping will be a pinch. Businesses in small towns tend to be limited in options and to close early. This is a good time to brush up on your online buying, since the Internet gives you so much more variety. But look for quirky little shops that you wouldn't find in a big city; for there lives the soul of a small town. Be ready for a slower pace on shopping day. The clerk will be talkative and candid, and any locals you bump into there will be going on about the weather like they've never seen it before.

Where do they have the fun in this town? Well, fun is what you make of it. If you're single, you're going to have a tough time of it. Small towns are for families, where you have the kids running around so much that boredom is a welcome relief, and where mum and dad make their own recreation after the kids are in bed. Don't miss the community attractions, though - go see that World's Largest Ball of Twine and get your picture taken next to the giant plaster Mexican Tyrannosaurus Rex wearing the sombrero outside the tacquieria. Spot some trains, chase a kangaroo, and go fishing for trout. Isn't that what you came for?

Don't worry, the natives know that they have a boring life, and they compensate. That's where all the goofy pumpkin-bowling contests and line-dancing nights come from. If there is a bar within city limits, it will be infected with the karaoke virus. Getting so drunk that you can't control your singing used to be just something annoying that people did, but now it has a name and they charge extra on the drinks for those nights and there's a club to join for it. It got popular because it turned out to be a great way for 40-year-old singles to hook up. It's easy to find a date when you're all at someplace that's guaranteed to be stocked with people who have nothing better to do at the moment.

Just know that once you've adjusted to small town life, you can't go back to the large city again. You've culled yourself from the herd. You'll just take off walking across an intersection forgetting that you can get flattened by the next SUV driven by the Starbucks-addict on her cell phone. You'll greet a stranger on the street and his response will be to mug you. And you'll never be able to sleep there, because you're used to not sharing a wall with neighbors. No, it's too chancy to risk. Just stay in the small town circuit and let the rest of the world drive each other crazy.