My hottub got me through perimenopause! My hottub is what got me through perimenopause! Once, twice, even three times a day I would ease my way into the warm, comforting, peroxide-treated water. I’d sit there gazing at the huge coniferous trees and the flowering bushes, feeling the air on my face, and listening to the birds during daytime hours.

It was a slow time, my perimenopause time, a time of being, rather than doing. I did what was necessary to run my life, and not too much more. Even though I enjoyed being with my close friends and family, and the women and children in the transition house where I worked, what I really craved was aloneness. I was turned inward, preparing to be a crone.

Christiane Northrup, MD says that this time of life is a call to deal with our unfinished business. The hormonal changes at this time affect the temporal lobe of the brain. This changes the way we view everything! It affects our perception as well as our mood. It increases our intuitive abilities and may lead us to look at every aspect of our lives.

We suffer fools less gladly as we enter these years. Sometimes I felt that I needed to leave my quite undemanding family, and go live in a solitary cabin in the woods. But this never seemed quite feasible (gee, I wonder why?). So I withdrew often, taking solitary walks and spending time in my room reading, watching t

elevision and eating cookies! (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that this was the ideal solution). But I think I needed to get away from myself as much as from others!

It’s not just men and comedians who crack menopausal jokes. It’s often we women themselves making the jokes. It’s sad the way women just soldier on, often becoming increasingly more exhausted and numbed, trying hard to carry out the many duties and obligations women have in our society.

But how do women slow down enough to listen to the call when they’re speeding along in the fast lane? And, here’s a pet peeve of mine (and apparently Dr. Northrup’s), how do we honour this time of change in a society that tells us to ignore the profound changes taking place in us? Other cultures had rituals to acknowledge important life passages, but our society doesn’t acknowledge the massive changes that often affect identity (other than the hormonal changes). So women often ignore the small voice from within and “just get on with it" or medicate the flood of angry and confused feelings that are arising.

I had the privilege of working with Judith Duerk, author of A Circle of Stones for a period of several years during my perimenopause. Judith speaks often of women’s communities that support, nurture and understand women in the various life stages. This is a powerful idea.

There are many ways for women to slow down and to get the support they need at the perimenopause time. It is a very personal quest. The weekly women’s group I began in my small community seemed to speak to quite a few women over a period of a couple of years. They gave us an opportunity to slow down and relax to the meditative sound of music and drumming, then to speak without self monitoring or outside feedback. Some women might prefer to meet with one or two close friends over a cup of tea or coffee.

We need to speak out about what’s going on inside us at this time and to demand the time and space we need (from ourselves as well as from family, friends and employers). If more and more women go public about their personal experiences of The Change, things will slowly begin to turn around.

Ellen Besso, M.A., R.C.C.

www.ellenbesso.com

info@ellenbesso.com

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