A. Although some children are, by nature, slow to warm up, that does not mean that they cannot overcome their fears and anxieties. The trick is to start from where they are at, and build from success to success.



First, help him to find activities that he likes and is successful with. The more times he can experience being good at something, the more confident he will become. He will also have the added advantage of having more to talk about. The more people involved, the better. Don't pressure him too hard to do things he's resisting, but don't make it too easy for him to opt out. Sometimes kids balk at doing something even when they know inside that they'll have fun.

Plan some social situations that will turn out to be learning experiences. Start slowly, and build on each one. One example might be, going to a movie with a friend. They can enjoy the experience together but don't have to engage in conversation. Movies are almost always fun.

Begin by planning easy and structured activities with not very many people. As he becomes comfortable interacting with his friends, then try a more challenging event. Be sure you set levels at which success is a sure thing. That way everyone will be up for doing it again.

Make sure these social occasions involve activities that he likes. If he likes computer games, invite some friends (one for the first time, then more) to come over and play them together. They will start talking about the games as they play.

When it's time to visit adults, tell them about your son's latest adventures playing the computer game. Let him be the one to correct you about any details. Hopefully, he'll become engaged and start talking about some of the high points for him. You can even clue the adults in ahead of time about things to ask him.

If he doesn't respond, don't force him and don't make excuses for him. It is his decision to talk or not. He will have to live with the consequences. It will be easier on him if you try to draw him into conversations. You might ask him a specific, open-ended question about the game. It might be something like: "How did Mario get lost in the Mansion in the first place?" Don't put him on the spot by asking a yes or no question and don't talk about difficult things or subjects he doesn't like.

Gradually, your son will develop confidence in talking and being with people. He will then be able to take more risks by talking about less familiar subjects. In short - if talking becomes fun, he will do more of it. It it is difficult or embarrassing he will do less.

Finally, don't call him "shy". The more he hears you say this, the more convinced he will be that that is just how he is and that he cannot change. In time he might even use this as an excuse: "I can't do that - I'm too shy!" Instead, emphasise his positive qualities - his gentleness, kindness, politeness etc.

Just remain positive and affirming and he should be fine.