It is incredible how emotions can distort one's perception. Through my anguish it appeared to me that Earth life was made for suffering, that one had to eke out a meager living, do the best possible and then die. In moments of desperation, that is how we think. But then again, when all around us seems to go right,we perceive the world as a wonderful place in which to live,and feel blessed to be a part of creation. Choosing not to recall our own past problems,we fail to understand how others could suffer so terribly with theirs. We therefore proceed blindly without giving much thought to the suffering of others. I was feeling rather sorry for myself and,to me, this is always a sign of giving up. But it's not my nature to give up.

The next day, bright and early,I prepared to go to the hospital again. This time I took only Malika with me, leaving Jonathan at home in the care of visiting aunts. The day seemed no different from many others, but I was beginning to sense a deepening river of sadness within me. A drive that normally took an hour lasted only forty-five minutes, yet I wasn't conscious of having driven faster than usual. Only a few days earlier, I'd told a friend that I felt whatever was happening was certainly increasing in speed.

As soon as we entered the hospital room, Mardai looked at Malika and commented, ?What a pretty dress you're wearing.? By this time, her pain was extreme and her breathing was more difficult than ever. Nothing seemed to be helping her. I left for a short while to take Malika back home,and when I returned, the situation had become worse.

Sometimes we believe that medicine can always perform miracles; at other times we want to damn the entire medical profession for its inability to help. On this, which was to be my last visit with Mardai, her parents and I stepped out of the room to confer with the doctors.

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