The teen years are filled with challenges, but probably the most frustrating thing for many parents is talking to teens. Suddenly, that child that babbled like a happy brook has turned into an almost silent creature who communicates by eye rolling and sarcastic asides. While you may be tempted to just throw up your hands in frustration and wait seven or eight years to try again, talking to teens is important enough to keep trying.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make when talking to teens is trying to be cool, phat, hip, with it - you get the idea. Actually, your teens have plenty of friends, but they only have one set of parents. While they may seem to hate you at the moment, they'll respect you more for staying parents and not worrying about being friends. Of course, this does not mean that you have to be authoritative and unbending. You want your teens to know that they can come to you with problems and insecurities without getting into trouble or being belittled. Just don't worry about winning a popularity contest.
So, how do you talk to your teen? First, never try to hold meaningful conversations in front of friends or as your teen is rushing out the door. Instead, pick a quiet time, like the ten minutes after dinner when your teen is clearing the table for more private discussions or talk during the meal about lighter topics. Avoid questions that can be answered without much thought, like "How was your day?" Instead, ask if Mr. Simmons had a pop quiz or whether that new teacher was as mean as everyone thought.
Don't stop talking just because your teen doesn't seem to be responding. Parents who are persistent in talking to their teens usually find that their children will finally begin talking to them again, while those who give up may never be able to reopen the lines of communication.
One of the best ways to keep your teens talking is to do something special with them at least once a week. Something as simple as an hour at the mall followed by a visit to the local coffee shop or juice bar can really help you stay connected. Camping, hiking, tennis, and miniature golf can all be great ways for your teen to spend time with you in a relaxed environment. Even watching a favorite home video together can be a great way to encourage your teen to open up. However, whatever you choose to do with your teen, make sure that you don't cancel your time together because something else came up.
Finally, if your teen's sudden change of mood is combined with bloodshot eyes or jittery behavior, you may have a more serious problem than an uncommunicative teen on your hands. Teens experimenting with drugs often stop talking with their parents. If you suspect that your teen has a drug problem, get professional help.
Not Talking To Someone
Last night I met a young lady from Iraq that arrived in the United States not too long ago. I was amazed listening to her story of leaving Iraq a few years ago and moving to another country because of threats that were on her life. I don't think that most of us really appreciate what is going on in that country and how people are suffering, not because the United States is there, but because they fear their own people. The terrorists in Iraq are not killing the infidels; they are killing their own people. They are doing what they can to keep the Iraqi people in fear so that they can gain back control.
Have we lost some 4.000 soldiers in Iraq since the beginning of the war? Yes, of course we have, but the numbers pale against the hundreds of thousands of Iraqis that have lost their life over that same period.
These are good people that deserve a chance to live free. They deserve the same opportunities that we enjoy. They deserve to not live in fear. They deserve to not face death every time they go out the door. They deserve to have hopes and dreams.
Meda was telling me of how another member of her family was kidnapped and although that person was one of the lucky ones that was set free, it was only because the family was privileged and was able to pay the ransom. But what about the Iraqis that are not in that same sort of privileged position? We hear about people being kidnapped and beheaded all the time. In fact, not long ago we were seeing those acts on the Internet and sometimes in video. But just imagine having to live your life in fear of your own people doing that to you and/or a family member at any time. I know that we have criminals that do awful things, but that is isolated. In Iraq, it happens almost daily and in virtually every city.
I asked Meda about this practice of people slapping on bombs and walking into crowds and blowing themselves up - the suicide bombers. How could anyone condone that sort of act? She quickly informed me that Iraqis do not condone that and do not think it is an acceptable means of dealing with anything. They abhor it. And they especially don't understand it when the Jihadists claim they are out to destroy the infidels and yet it is the Iraqi people that the suicide bombers are usually targeting. What sense does that make?
Although they abhor it, to speak out and such in public would only make them the next target either of a bomb or just being shot down in the street and they have their families to think about. Their only hope is to see their government and the coalition succeed and get the violent groups under control.
I found one thing very curious: I have heard it stated that the Iraqis are worse off today than they were under Saddam Hussein. She was quick to explain that although the statement may be true in one sense, it is not the complete story. When Iraqis say they were better off under Hussein, they are referring to the violence that is being perpetrated by their own people. Under Hussein, he would rise up and defend those in fear. And in Iraq that is a long standing custom where someone takes you into their family or tribe and you then are under their protection. In fact, they would often throw a party and then when you arrive, you would see only your enemies because they were invited to receive the announcement that you were now under the host's protection.
The rest of that story, though, was that under that person's protection you must live according to their rules so that you don't bring them embarrassment or shame. So nothing ever changed. You were just now fearful of the person you were under the protection of. Would Meda or any of her family choose to go back to the country of Saddam? - absolutely not! There is now hope for a free society. Hope for all Iraqi people. They do not want to turn the clock back by any means.
I have talked with hundreds of soldiers that have served in Iraq and to a soldier, I have never heard anything but good about the people of Iraq. It was good to know that at least this Iraqi and her family felt the same way about us.
Both Katelyn Thomas & Jeff Gustafson are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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