Earlier reports that BP closed its Alaska pipeline due to corrosion have turned out to be erroneous. The company, noticing growing rancor that it would allow such a vital link to corrode to the point of desuetude, altered its story, saying that subsequent examination revealed that the leaks were due to a grizzly bear that ate the pipeline.



While BP was initially at a loss the explain why a bear would attack a metal object, one of its more imaginative research directors noticed that the name BP appeared in a number of places along the course of the pipeline and an aurora borealis went off in his mind. While humans generally know that BP stands for British Petroleum, the bear, they now claim, being less familiar with the meaning, mistakenly surmised that BP stood for berry picking.

As you know, the bears of Alaska are wild for wild berries. They roam the tundra looking for them and eat them so frenziedly that their bear pies, an association for BP that the company rejects entirely, are, in berry season, so chock full of the berry good remnants that they look a bit like blue pomegranates, a third association the company utterly rejects for the initials PB.

As a spokesman for the British corporation told reporters, “We have carefully analyzed the various erroneous meanings of our company logo that a bear might leap to and have determined with absolute certainty that PB could only have been mistaken for berry picking. We reject unequivocally any intimation that it could stand for bear pie and certainly not for blue pomegranates.”

To add credibility to his statement, he brought along a grizzly bear, and concluded with, “I'll prove it.” He turned to the bear, which, on its hind legs rose to nearly ten feet, looked up, and asked, “What do you think of when I show you this logo?” He then held up a BP logo and continued to interrogate the bear. “Do you think of berry picking?”

Surprisingly, the bear shook his or her head yes.

“Good,” the interrogator replied, and slyly slipped the bear a honey-flavored bonbon. Then he went on, “What else do you think of? A bear pie?”

The grizzly shook its head no.

“Excellent!” the BP questioner responded, and glanced toward the reporters to confirm the answer. Finally, with mock cynicism, he asked the bear, “Would this sign ever make you think of blue pomegranates?”

The bear considered the question carefully and, much to the relief of the BP exec, at long last shook its head in the negative.

“So that confirms it,” the spokesman announced, turning back to the reporters. “Bears think that BP stands for berry picking, and so we can say beyond any doubt whatsoever that a bear ate the pipeline.”

One of the reporters considered the answer and then asked if he might borrow the BP sign. The spokesman, uncertain of what to do at first, handed it over hesitantly.

Then the reporter walked over to the bear and held the sign high, saying, “When you look at this sign, do you ever think that BP just stands for a big problem?”

The bear immediately shook its head yes with, the BP exec decided, more enthusiasm than could possibly be warranted and, even more annoyingly, with more enthusiasm that it nodded in the affirmative for the meaning berry picking.

“And what do you say about that?” the reporter demanded.

“I'll have to get back to you,” the BP spokesperson said, and took back the sign with just a trace of malcontent.

Then he took the bear by the leash and led it away, grumbling, “How could you say that? Didn't I feed you honey candy all morning when you shook your head yes each time I held up the sign and said berry picking?”

The bear, not knowing the difference between a correction and a question, simply shook its head yes at the new mention of berry picking.

But then the spokesperson disappeared from view and soon after so did the unruly bear.