I'm asking because I do it all the time. I forget names. I forget the specifics of plans. I forget the obvious places where I put the things I didn't want to forget . . . which, of course, often leads to "interesting" situations that refuse to be forgotten. The fact is that I'm becoming a more and more accomplished forgetter as I grow older. And this is something I've become nearly expert at doing without even trying. Actually, it doesn't help at all to try.



And all of this leads me to the place I want to go with you today: The World of Forgetting. Bet you didn't know there was an entire world of it, did you? Well, maybe there isn't really, but there should be. If there were a world named for forgetting, maybe we wouldn't feel so bad about doing it. And maybe we wouldn't be so quick to label our aging and elderly parents when they do it.

Think about it. If your life's the least bit like mine, it's more than just a little crazy. It seems governed by rules that keep you running at break-neck speed toward constantly moving goals. You just about get there, when whooooooooooooooooooosh! Rule change! The goals move farther away, and you're sent back to the starting line.

Of course, you're the one making your life's rules . . and setting the pace . . and choosing the goals in the first place. Don't try to kid yourself - or me - by denying it.

In the midst of it all, though, we've piled our midlife plates way too full of things to be remembered. As a matter of fact, we've piled them so very full that we can't possibly hope to remember all the millions of billions of names, numbers, facts and important little tidbits we've labeled as too important to let go.

And so we forget, don't we? You bet we do. And we say it's natural because we live in such a fast-paced, high-stress little womb of a world where we're constantly tripping over the latest distractions in our work and our lives.

Enter our elderly parents: How do you respond when your elderly mother or aging father forgets something? Do you apply the same rationale to them as you do to yourself? Do you chalk it up to the fact that they live in such a fast-paced, high-stress little womb of a world where they're constantly tripping over the latest distractions in their work and their lives? Or, do you label it as the onslaught of old age (i.e., dementia, or the slippery slope into Alzheimer's?)

. . Caught you!

How do you justify blaming your forgetfulness on society and your chosen lifestyle, but blaming your elderly parents' forgetfulness on physical decay brought on as a function of their position in the state of OLD? Why can't your aging parents' forgetfulness just be forgetfulness?

Let me tell you why, or at least share an idea with you. Our population as a whole is getting older, right? You're getting older. I'm getting older. Your parents, for heaven's sake, are definitely getting older. And our society has a tough time accepting the kind of aging your parents are doing as being healthy. Our society tends to see aging through a medical lens - in terms of failing health rather than wholesome living. In that model of the world, anyone on the down-side of middle age can be seen as decline in the making. If you carry that perspective around long enough, and start buying into it, forgetfulness can be viewed as the first stop on the path to dementia . . or worse.

Who could blame you for thinking this way?! Why, it's part of our heritage! Except that it isn't. When you're in a hurry, is it easier for you to forget things? And when you're under pressure, is it tougher for you to keep track of all the "important" things going on in your life? Your aging parents are no different. When they're being hurried and pushed, sometimes they forget. And when you or other midlife professionals expect them to respond within your time frame rather than theirs, they'll just as likely become frustrated and confused.

Remember, your clocks aren't keeping the same time. Sure it's possible that your aging parents are heading for memory problems. Anything's possible. Unless you have some other major clues to guide you, though, do everyone a favor: Look at forgetfulness as simply that, a natural part of life in a world that's turning way too fast.