HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE As an outpatient psychologist with a long running private practice, clients often ask me, "How do I become assertive?" The short answer is "speak up." The longer answer is we first have to understand what assertiveness is and what it is not. Let me address the last part first. Assertiveness is not aggression. It is not yelling, name calling or doing anything physically violent. It is not about getting in someone's space or place if they do not invite us. It is not about damaging other's property. Neither is assertiveness about being passive. That involves not saying or doing things in an indirect way, but still having an underhanded intent. Such statements blur messages on purpose; confusing the recipient into thinking the intent is something it is not. Manipulating falls into this category. Being non-assertive is different from being passive. The difference is that choosing to not speak up is deliberate, conscious and has not ulterior motives. It is not manipulation, just the choice to not respond. Sometimes this is the better choice, like when our boss is mad at us, yet we would like to have a promotion. Not speaking at that time is judicious, and choosing to not assert our point of view is wise. Assertiveness is about speaking up in a specific way, stating what you want and using "I" statements. "I would like to have that cake" is an assertive statement. "That cake would sure look nice on my plate" is a semi-assertive statement. "My, how good that cake looks" is not an assertive statement. "That cake would make me feel better about you" is a manipulative statement. Saying nothing about cake because we do not want any is choosing to just not be assertive. Assertiveness involves five steps. In my ebook on this subject, I explain them in detail and how they flow from one to the other, each needing to be completed before the next. For this article, here's a quick summary. Step One is asking yourself what are you thinking or feeling. Step Two is about validating that your thoughts and/or feelings are valid and important. Step Three is thinking and planning how we might express ourselves, assuming we get through Step Two and actually think what we have to say is important enough to say or do something about. Step Four is actually executing the plan; that is, doing what we fantasized in Step Three. Step Five is feedback. How did it go? If we achieved some satisfaction, we are done with that thought. If not, it is back to Step One. This may seem a little tedious, but each of us goes through at least the first two steps with every thought and/or feeling. Those thoughts and/or feelings that are salient; that is, rise to some higher level in our awareness, are considered more and are more likely to motivate us to consider doing something about. This is Step Three, which once engaged, usually carries us through to completion (Step Five). This process is automatic and very, very fast. It is usually unconscious; that is, out of everyday awareness automatic and usually psychologically reflexive (patterned, rehearsed responses that we chalk up as mental habits). Learning to be assertive is about realizing the steps that are involved and how we each follow them. If we do so unconsciously, then assertiveness is hit or miss, depending upon our early training. We inherit most of these thought patterns from our parents, which could be good or bad. The key to becoming assertive is to become aware of the above and practice it a few times. Usually people see the benefit and are encouraged to continue. There is always a contingent of folks who disagree and claim being assertive is a bad thing. It generates conflict, does not work, is a waste of time, etc. In my ebook, I address a very long list of reasons people generate why we should not be assertive. Some of them are quite creative, but all of them lack basis. I explain all of this is depth and detail. In my view, assertiveness is a very positive skill and is one of the easiest to acquire. Once practiced, assertiveness spreads out in the psyche and positively influences more experiences than the reader can imagine, starting with decreasing anxiety and depression and increasing self-esteem.
Dr. Griggs
Any job interview can decide the fate of the candidate within 10 minutes. A number of employers even clam to be able to select a candidate from when they come into the room, as they are of the opinion that body language is an indicator of the candidate's suitability. So regardless of many hours spent in preparation for the interview, it will amount to nothing if they are unable to perform well just for few minutes. It is a harsh reality of life so one should know how to interview for a job.
Everything commences with the preparation of the CV (Curriculum Vitae); this important piece of documentation presents details of the candidate for the employer to consider. A CV should be exact and should carry all the pertinent information. Proper care should be taken concerning the choice of font and layout.
The way a candidate carries themselves in the interview room plays a pivotal role in their success or failure. Guides on how to interview for a job rarely focus on dress code, despite its importance. Clothing should be neat and clean, properly ironed and should be presentable. There is no need to wear costly apparel. Shoes should be well polished and the candidate should ensure that they have a pleasant smile on their face. Before entering the room it is customary to knock on the door and request permission to enter. Everyone present in the interview panel should be acknowledged and greeted warmly. All the relevant documents should be brought to the interview. Proper eye-contact is essential when answering any question and the candidate should address all the members in their answer. Excess hand gestures should be avoided because it creates a distraction and can also reflect impatience. There is no harm in politely asking for a question to be repeated if you did not understand it. You should be polite and also brief in your answers.
The most important thing about how to interview for a job is in knowing that an interviewer is not merely interested in the answer. They already know the answer; what the interviewer is actually interested in discovering is how adequately you deliver those answers and your overall attitude and demeanour during the interview.
A candidate might answer all the questions brilliantly but still not find a place in the final list. What went wrong? The candidate does not understand. If you want to know the best way to get the job, then create your own USP (Unique selling proposition). Your USP helps to create a distinct image and convinces the interviewer that you are not merely one candidate but the most suitable candidate for the job, blessed with a number of qualities no other job-seekers have. This should be your mantra, so without wasting any more of your precious time, create your own USP. The USP should express something unique about you. No guide, no tips on how to interview for a job will be of any assistance if you do not have self confidence and the ability to handle stress.
Both Steven Griggs, Ph.d. & Ray James are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Steven Griggs, Ph.d. has sinced written about articles on various topics from Marketing, Cure Anxiety and Health. For more information about this and other helpful psychology ebooks by this author, go to:For more informat. Steven Griggs, Ph.d.'s top article generates over 14800 views. to your Favourites.
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