We are inundated with advertising offering the services of injury lawyers. For every trip, slip or bump we can, apparently, make a claim against someone or other. There are lawyers in abundance that will do our bidding for us, earning themselves a nice tidy sum in the process. This has led to a compensation culture whereby everyone is so afraid of getting sued that they insist on enforcing the most ridiculous rules that mean we can't breathe without signing a disclaimer first.



However, there are people that make a living out of claiming compensation (apart from the injury lawyers). When we see a solicitor, we tend to trust them implicitly. After all, these are the people who have spent years in training to gain the experience that warrants charging those extortionate amounts. How often do these people get it wrong? Well, let's take a look at some documented statements and questions that have come from the mouths of these trusted lawyers.

One lawyer in the US asked a woman how her first marriage was terminated. When he found out it was by death, he asked her whose death terminated it! If this was an injury lawyer would you not be concerned about his intelligence if he couldn't tell whether or not the woman in front of him was dead or alive?

Another case records a lawyer asking a man how many autopsies he has performed on dead people. Yes, the obvious answer ensued - all of them have been performed on dead people. That has to be one of those occasions when you just wish you were there and had the balls to give that answer.

What is it with injury lawyers that mean they can't tell the difference between dead or alive? You'd think that would be a pretty good starting point, surely! The lawyer in a US court room asked a witness: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?" The answer was yes to which the lawyer replied "Before or after he died?" What is it with these people? One lawyer even asked the witness in front of him if he had been killed!

"What is the meaning of sperm being present?" asked one lawyer. 'It indicates intercourse' was the answer, quite obviously. And what does the lawyer come back with? "Male sperm?" Is there any other sort?

Other ridiculous lawyer quotes include: so you were gone until you returned; were you alone or by yourself; the youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he; was it you or your brother that was killed in the war; did the stairs go up as well as down. Doesn't this instil faith in the justice system and make you want to trust injury lawyers?

Of course, we are all prone to saying some daft things, especially when under oath which can make you feel more stressed. One man was asked if he was shot in the woods but replied that no, he had been shot in the lumbar region. Another was asked about his marital status to which he replied that it was fair. I bet it wasn't after that little performance.

Of course, it's not always men that come out with these little gems. One woman was asked in a court room if her appearance that day was pursuant to a deposition notice but replied that that was actually how she normally dresses when she goes to work.

Who says court rooms are serious, dour affairs when they provide such a great source of human entertainment?