What are the ingredients to a happy and successful marriage? This question is probably the number one question asked by couples of all time. The problem is there is no secret and clear cut formula, we are not robots. Everyone has an idea of the perfect relationship whether it is for companionship, status, true love or convenience. If you think some of these are odd reasons to be married consider celebrity marriages and you can just imagine that some of these are not born of true love. Although there is no easy to follow formula there are some common themes to happily married couples. The happy marriage I'll be talking about is the one us average folks envision when we meet someone we love. Whenever we hear happy couples talk whether it is on T.V., read it in the paper or magazines or know some personally, take note. Some of the traits that happy couples exhibit can be mimicked and learned upon if you'd just pay attention. I'll separate this article in sections as to keep them readable.



Bill Cosby quote “”The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.” Think about the times you have when you get together with your best friend(s) and sit around and talk. This conversation, more times than not, involves laughter and reminiscing about past good times you had together. Well considering your spouse should also be your best friend, spend time with them talking about the good times that you have had together. This reminds us how close we have become and how good times can create strong bonds. This reminds us that no matter how stagnant the relationship is, that it can be fun and filled with good memories and laughter.

This leads us right into the next important ingredient, smiling and laughter. Try thinking of something that makes you smile and laugh when you're having a bad day. It helps bring the day into perspective and helps to turn your current attitude around doesn't it? The same holds true in marriage. Smile and laugh a lot together. Sometimes when my day is just ho-hum I look at my wife and make her smile somehow. Just seeing her smile turns my day around and makes me happy. I really don't understand how two people live together and are happy without smiles and laughter. Go out of your way to compliment your spouse and you'll inevitably see a smile. This smile is good for both of you and makes the two of you feel good inside as well as promoting a caring relationship. I'd even go so far as to make it your goal to do at least one nice deed for your spouse everyday, it doesn't have to be huge just nice and unexpected. This could be as menial as doing the dishes or taking out the trash if that is one of the chores your spouse usually handles. They will thank you for it and it will make you feel good at the same time. Besides deep love and intimate contact laughter and making each other smile ranks up at the tops of my list as must haves for any relationship.

I'll end this section with a true example. My parents are happily married and I think they did a pretty good job raising us. One thing that I've noticed is that they have ‘Happy Hour' just about everyday. This is like clockwork, almost everyday at four my dad makes a Manhattan and he pours my mom a glass of wine. He then proceeds to cut up some cheese and puts them on a plate with some crackers. They then sit at the kitchen table without a television or radio and just talk. The cool thing is that when they are talking they talk about things that make them laugh. They never bring up things that can lead to arguments or sighs of frustrations. They really enjoy this time together and they welcome us and whoever else wants to stop by to join in because they know that will only lead to more laughter and smiles. Recently I've added this tidbit to our routine and involved the kids. Not only do they enjoy the cheese and soda/juice but if you really want to laugh implement the kids in this routine…trust me, they can create some real side splitters. Until part II, keep the lip corners pointed up!!!