You know there is a crisis. You know you must "get at" the problem. Now is the time. If you don't address the crisis NOW, in some way, you know the chances for having a vibrant rich relationship are spiraling downward.



Efforts to "makeover" your relationship demand a fair degree of feeling safe with one another. Often this is not the case.

Barriers to safety need attention before any "makeover," resolution or joint decision making can occur. Often you are not aware of the specifics of the barriers. Or, you have a difficult time addressing them.

The barriers or walls sit in the background casting their debilitating shadows.

Your intentions may be pure. But, once you face each other, the barriers quickly squelch the hope for any positive outcome. In reality you think, "Here we go again. The same-o-same-o." You feel defeated.

Below, I've listed 11 common barriers.

I want to talk, he/she doesn't.

The conversation will eventually turn to 'what I did wrong' or 'how I caused this problem.'

I don't want to hurt his/her feelings.

I'm afraid 'it' won't work. Then what? I'd rather not face that.

We can't (really don't want to) find a time to get together.

I feel guilty, awful. I can't get past that.

Begin to talk about the barriers. Listen, without judgment, as your partner talks about his/her perceptions.

Addressing the "processes" in your relationship rather than the "content" is often a fruitful starting point.