As a Marriage, Family Therapist for over 27 years, I had the opportunity to counsel many men and women who were struggling in their relationships. The issues were similar for the clients no matter their ages, intelligence, and social status. I discovered that even same-sex marriages fell into the same relationship traps.

It was sad to observe clients struggling with the same issues for 20 to 30 years. Some of their resentments even began on their honeymoon. They often still loved each other, but they had avoided their issues and did not seek help or resolve them. The two people stayed together for numerous reasons, but a happy relationship was not their reality. Sometimes the damage was repairable but other times it was not.

I loved counseling people before they entered into marriages, or living-together situations. Prevention is so much easier than clean-up. I started with a relationship check-up questionnaire where they separately answered 21 questions. Based on their responses, I was able to help the two people in love to quickly discover their strengths and weaknesses. Then we focused on overcoming their problems, or future potential issues. Their chances of not being included in the divorce statistics improved dramatically.

To enjoy and maintain a healthy, long term, loving relationship, it takes both people involved to have high self-esteem and good communication. Love is not enough!

The following are 12 very important vows to express and keep in order to create a fulfilling relationship. You can use them for your wedding vows or to renew your relationship.

My Dear Love, I promise to:

1. Take responsibility for all my feelings and actions.

2. Communicate clearly and specifically in a loving way so that you can know how I feel and what I want.

3. Listen to you when you talk to me.

4. Keep clearing my resentments with you so that we can continue to feel close.

5 Release my anger constructively and then tell you calmly what I am angry about, or if I feel hurt or frightened.

6. Help solve our problems with win-win solutions.

7. Keep my agreements and tell you the truth so that you can trust me.

8. Be patient with you, and forgive you when you make mistakes.

9. Spend quality time with you because you are important to me.

10. Treat you as I would my best friend.

11 Compliment and appreciate you, and often tell you how much I care.

12. Accept you and love you with all my heart!

Congratulate yourself for being willing to create the loving relationship you desire and deserve.