From the early stages of our education, we are taught that assumptions are bad. We all carry assumption luggage. Some of the luggage is bright and shiny. Some has traveled many miles and shows the scars of those travels. In and of themselves, assumptions are bad only when they are used to manipulate others. If you want to defuse arguments or even heated discussions, reveal your assumption. If you want to close gaps between your thinking and that of others, you need to create a new toolkit of communication tools. These are not tools for the timid. However, you can build your courage, over time, to take on larger and larger ideas, suggestions, proposals, and positions.



First, start with ideas that are related to the future. Identify questions you want to ask the idea originator. These questions will start revealing the assumptions you bring to the dialogue. If you want to close the thinking gaps between you and the presenter, turn the questions into assumptions. Use your assumptions to achieve clarification.

For example, someone presents an idea that encourages you to participate in online marketing. Your background is not in marketing. Your background is also not in online work. For many people over the age of 35, the fear meter goes into quick action. Your mind races to the impact that the idea will have on you and your work. Questions tumble from you brain. So do objections. So do obstacles and hurdles. The argument is on.

Now, step back mentally. Change the focus. Take each question and phrase it as an assumption. This phrasing removes the sting of the question and the potential for conveying attack and conflict. This phrasing shows that you seek clarification, not a war. Consider the following: I "assume" that your idea involves many changes to our current practices. I "assume" that a new training program will need to be developed. I "assume" that you have identified the value of your idea.

Presenting your assumptions in this way allows the originator to tell you YES or NO. A NO answer means you can remove that assumption from the dialogue. A YES answer opens the door to revealing even more focused assumptions. Through your revealing your assumptions, you have simplified the original idea. You have closed the thinking gap without even a hint of argument or attack.

Revealing assumptions about the future poses little threat. We are all ignorant about the future. Our shared ignorance leads us to a wonderful kind of openness. To move to a more challenging situation, tackle a problem that has recently come to your attention. This recency suggests that assumptions that anyone has are of short duration and are, therefore, not deeply ingrained. Use the same procedure of asking questions and then re-phrasing them to reveal your assumption. Ask others involved in the problem to place their assumption on the discussion table.

Systematically address each assumption. From the table, remove each assumption that elicits a NO answer from the participants. Then, take each YES and build a new assumption list. Continue the revealing process until the participants agree that they now have a clear, simplified picture of the problem. Now, you can move to solving the problem. And, all your participants are prepared to return to revealing assumptions whenever an obstacle or hurdle appears in the process.

When you feel comfortably certain that you understand how revealing your assumptions aids communication, you are ready for larger challenges. When you have practiced the process enough that you feel that you can shift to it without effort, muster your courage to address even more deeply ingrained attitudes and positions. Tackle any "issue" that currently confronts you, your community, your state, your country. Identify your own assumptions. Listen for other people's unrevealed assumptions. Then, decide how much courage you really have and want to exhibit.