As mothers of younger children, we think we have seen everything. We have dealt with skinned knees, messy houses, and sibling squabbles. Some day I may write a book on each of these. As you go through these problems, they seem so difficult, so trying. As my kids move towards their teenage years, I now realize that those problems were easy to deal with compared to what lies ahead.

When you are a parent of a young child, almost every problem can be kissed or hugged away, but with a teenager, the problems are much, much bigger!

Teenagers face problems like teen pregnancy, drug and alcohol abuse, and smoking.

When our children are young, we spend a great deal of time teaching them "right" from "wrong". We hope that someday these lessons will help them make the right decisions. In many cases they will, but as the issues become more complex, right and wrong aren't always so easy to identify. The following ten steps will help you and your teen create a strategy to deal with the issues surrounding peer pressure when they come up.

1.I know who I am: A good portion of your teenage years are spent trying to figure out who you are. If we don't help our teens figure this out, their friends and the TV will. Make sure to spend time helping your teen to visualize and vocalize who they want to be. Then, when it is time to make a decision, have them ask "Does this fit with who I want to be?".

2.Know what you are getting into: Any time your teen leaves the house, make sure that the both of you know what you are getting into. Ask as many questions as you need to until you are both comfortable that your teen will be safe. This is not the time to be shy.

3.Can I ask you something?: Practice having your kids ask questions of their friends. What will we be doing? Will your parents be there? Who else will be there? They might be embarrassed the first time, but it could help them avoid a situation they would be uncomfortable in.

4.I need help: No matter what your teen may have gotten into, they need to know that you will come get them no matter where or when it is. You need to also give them a list of several other adults who will rescue them also, with no questions asked.

5.Practice, practice, practice: Role playing can seem a bit goofy at times, but it will really give your teens the necessary skills they need later. Pretend you are one of your teen's best friends and really try to convince him to do something he shouldn't. Be as persistent as another teen would and really put the pressure on your teen.

6.Good cop, bad cop: Teens often say that they go along with things they shouldn't because they didn't want to look un-cool. An easy way to let them off the hook is by telling them to make you the bad guy. Simply tell your teen to tell his friends that "I cant, my mom and dad would kill me if I do. It's just not worth it".

7.The "real friend": One thing you have to remember is that teens value their friendships more than anything, but they also need a sense of what true friendship is. Would a real friend ask you to do that if you really don't want to? Would they stop being your friend if you don't go along? Ask your teen to try and examine the motives of their friends. If they really cared about you, why would they be trying to get you to do something that could harm you?

8.What is cool?: Ask your teen to make a list of 5 people from the real world that they think are cool. Chances are that they will choose someone from the music or entertainment industry (If the choose you, this is going to be easy). Find out from your teen what about this person is cool. Point out to your teen that these characteristics that your teen thinks are so cool weren't developed by doing what everyone else is doing. Being cool is about doing what you want to do, not following the crowd.

9.Wow, I rock!: Just before my first child was born, I read a quote that said "Nothing your child does today can be worth damaging his sense of self worth". Wow! What a powerful statement. Tell your kids how much you love them, how much you respect them, and how proud you are of them. Try this exercise. Have a neighbor over when your teen is around. Make sure your teen is in earshot and tell your neighbor how great your teen is. Make sure your teen "overhears" you. Make sure your teen gets their sense of self worth from you, not their friends.

10.We are family: The best defense you can give your teen against peer pressure is a strong family foundation. Make sure your teen knows they can always count on their family to be there when they need them. Make plenty of time for family fun!

One final thought. Both you and your teen are going to make mistakes. Rather than getting angry, talk through what happened and go over together again. You will be glad you did.