Have you ever had a client answer "I don't know." to the question, "What do you want?" You are not alone. As a coach for the past 6 years, I found myself pondering this. For some the challenge is identifying what they want. For others, they may know (secretly) what they want and have a challenge sharing it. Why is this? The main reason for this is based around fear.



After years of helping clients get results, I have determined the top 6 reasons people are afraid to say what we want:

1. You might give them what they want. If you give it to them, what then? Are they feeling ready for the next step or the next part of their journey? For some, it is easier to do nothing and just stay in one place rather than to live in a place where they have never been. It is frightening to be in a place where there is uncertainty and full of unknown variables. To break into unfamiliar territory is harder than avoiding it altogether.

2. They are not sure what is available to them and are afraid of missing out. What are their choices? Information is everywhere in today's world, and with so much available to us it can be daunting to filter through it all. Many people become overwhelmed with all of the possibilities around them. It is hard to know what to choose. And, what if they choose wrong and miss out on something else that could be even better? This is the concept of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Rather than choosing incorrectly, people stay put because they are not sure which patch of grass they want to venture into.

3. They might change their mind. If they finally do make a choice, can they change their mind later? What if they choose incorrectly? Will they have to sit by and become resigned to a choice they no longer want? If I change my mind and do something different, how will others perceive me? Many people as a result, do not make a choice and stay stagnate.

4. They might not get it. What if they don't get the results they are looking for? How will that make them feel? How will others view them? Who wants to think of themselves as a failure? It is easier not to take action or to avoid saying what you want than to make an effort that doesn't produce and ends up as a disappointment.

5. They are afraid of looking bad. If they don't get what they want or change their mind along the way, how will other people perceive them? This innate need to be looked on favorably shapes every decision that people make.

6. They don't want to own the responsibility if they do get what they want. For some, it is hard to admit when a mistake is made. Society is prone to placing blame on other factors and for some, when it comes to knowing what they want, there is little to blame besides themselves. It can be hard for some to look in the mirror and realize that the only person to blame for not getting results is the person looking back at you through the mirror. Therefore, if they don't statew what they want, blame can be placed elsewhere and responsibility is avoided.

The next time you are in a coaching situation and hear "I don't know" to the question, "What do you want?" remember to think about the REAL reasons for this indecision and maybe that is the beginning of a GREAT coaching conversation.