1. "The Internet is a great way to get on the Net." ~ Bob Dole



2. "Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all." ~ Johnny Depp

3. "On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window." ~ Dan Spencer

4. "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~ Mae West

5. "A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain." ~ Robert Frost

6. "There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva." ~ Josh Groban

7. "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." ~ Woody Allen

8. "Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special." ~ Chris Rock

9. "The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits." ~ Albert Einstein

10. "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." ~ Groucho Marx

11. "People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." ~ Anonymous

12. "When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half." ~ Gracie Allen

13. "If at first you don't succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling." ~ Erma Bonbeck

14. "My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So for today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M and a chocolate cake. I feel better already." ~ Dave Barry

15. "Procrastination is like a credit card; it's a lot of fun until you get the bill." ~ Christopher Parker

Here's to a wonderful Humor Month! I hope you've enjoyed these short funny quotes. May your April be filled with laughter (and may you be lucky enough to have fewer April pranks played on you than you play on others). Remember, laughter is the best medicine and he who laughs loudest wins!