"When I was first diagnosed with fibromyalgia, I actually felt relief," shares Cindy. "I had been trying to find a reason for my pain and it finally was acknowledged as being something physical not mental." Cindy goes on to explain, "It wasn't until months later that I started getting short-tempered and frustrated and I realized that I was angry about the diagnosis. I was angry that I had to suffer and no one understood."



Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a doctor in Switzerland, wrote a life-changing book called, "On Death and Dying" which describes the cycle of emotional stages that is often referred to as the grief cycle. Anger is the third stage, following the shock stage and the denial stage.

When we are diagnosed with an illness, feeling anger is the most natural reaction. Realizing our dreams may be out of our control now that our body is redefining what is "normal" for us, can be devastating.

Acknowledging these feelings exist and learning how to manage them is part of the mourning process. People have a variety of time frames for each stage of the grief cycle, but sooner or later one will likely enter this phase. Surprisingly your anger may be worst during the third year of the disease than the first.

Cheryl, who lives with diabetes, shares, "For the longest time the disease was just an annoyance, but once I had to start checking my blood sugar ten times a day and watching every bite I ate, I got angry. I lashed out at everyone, even my husband and daughter. I was so jealous they could eat whatever they wanted and didn't even appreciate it."

One thing is definite: anger will come. For some people it will be a mild irritation with everything in life, and for others a flaring temper that doesn't seem subside.

"It is my observation," says Linda Noble Topf, author of "You are Not Your Illness", "that the absence of anger in the face of a serious illness suggests that we have already withdrawn from life, that we have relinquished our passion for living, that we are resigned and emotionally numb."

If you're a Christian you may be told that you should never get angry, you just need to have more faith. As believers, we are often taught the emotions of anger are not "allowed" or justified. You may have been raised to believe:

- If my faith in God is solid, I should trust that He wants what is best for me. Doubting His hand in my circumstances to shows my lack of faith.

- If I reveal to other Christians that I am angry about my situation, won't they think I am weak in my walk with God?

- I know the Bible says, "wise men shouldn't anger." So how can be my real self with the Lord?

- I understand anger can lead to bitterness. So if I don't admit I am angry, will I be a better Christian, focusing on just the positive stuff in life?

None of these feelings are unusual, yet they keep us from dealing with the grief that we are going through because of our loss of health and lifestyle.

Here are a few suggestions for coping effectively with illness and the anger that accompanies it.

1. Are you feeling angry? Acknowledge this emotion and then move on with life.

If you insist on ignoring your emotions, believing that in the end you will be a spiritually healthier person for it, you are wrong. Topf advises, "Think of anger as a resource that you can learn to harness and refine for your own benefit." If you can learn to recognize your anger, it will help you reclaim your authentic identity. Faking it won't take you through this.

The Bible explains how Job got angry about the events in his life and cursed the day of his birth. He said, "Do I have any power to help myself, now that success has been driven from me?" (Job 6:13). In the end though, God blessed Job in many ways and Job told the Lord, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful to know" (Job 42:3b). Through his feelings of anger and frustration, character and understanding was built.

2. It is all right to have angry feelings.

God designed our whole being and that includes the ability to feel anger. Even the Bible provides specific examples when God became angry. What does the Bible tell us about how to handle our angry emotions?

- "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires" (James

- "Wise men turn away anger" (Proverbs 29:8b).

- "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" (Proverbs 29:11).

God knows that although anger is a natural human emotion, it should not be our lifestyle. Some people may argue that it takes anger to get things accomplished. One example of this is the emotional name of Mothers against Drunk Drivers which have a seemingly appropriate acronym called "MADD." "We discover that anger is first and foremost demand for change," writes Topf. Great things have happened in our history, because of the "I'm-not-going-to-take-it anymore-attitude," but it's not how God calls us to live our entire life.

In Amos 1:11, God says, "I will not turn back my wrath... because his anger raged continually." God isn't upset because of the presence of anger, but because the anger was continuous. God calls us to put our focus on Him and try to make a difference that will bring glory to Him.

3. Walk with God and He will walk with you through your anger.

The Bible tells us how David discovered this. "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me." (Psalm 138:7). God can calm the anger of not only ourselves but also our enemies. He's there to offer protection and guidance as you go through the various episodes of anger and the emotions of your illness.

"I'm still dealing with anger at this illness." explains Peggy, who lives with fibromyalgia. "Each time I realize I have another limitation, I experience anger. And yet, I know that God has a plan for my life that is perfect. As I become more adjusted to having chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, and the limitations it places on my activities, I expect and pray for His perfect grace to become slow to anger, counting on the scripture, 'The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love'" (Psalm 103:8).

We will all face the emotion of anger for the rest of our lives. Some of the most basic advice to cope with it is that which is in a scripture that I refer in my book, "Why Can't I Make People Understand? Discovering the Validation Those with Chronic Illness Seek and Why" where I walk through the emotions of anger and bitterness we deal with in regards to our illness. In Hosea 7:13b-14 God says, "I long to redeem [you] but. . . [you] do not cry out to Me from [your] hearts, but wait upon [your] beds." Don't flop down on your bed and wail "Why me?" Instead pour out your heart to the Lord and wholly ask Him for help.