An alien, reading the stories of our primary school kids would be very puzzled. Did the human parents starve their offspring - all the small human children ever seemed to write about was food? Obviously travelling was a huge excitement for the humans too. Bus trips and car trips featured frequently in the small human's writing. While beds clearly had a mystical quality in human civilization - at least half the stories by the small humans started with 'I woke up...'and then finish with 'And then I went home to bed.'
Obviously the aliens would be wrong. Yet why do our children always want to fill up their stories with the minor details of life?
It's called 'warm-up' writing. People start with the safe and familiar. Professional authors know this and they guard against it. Some authors even count on cutting out the first few chapters, so their book moves more quickly and jumps straight into the action.
Young kids often haven't learnt to cut out the warm-up writing. Do any of these look familiar?
*Food Fetishes: At Luna Park we all went on a roller coaster ride and then we had lunch. We ate hamburgers with chips and a big thick milkshake. Mum even let me have a second fizzy drink and Dad shared an apple pie with me with lots and lots of cream.
*Bedroom antics (the er... boring kind!): I woke up that morning and leapt out of bed. I hurried to get dressed in jeans and a jumper and then cleaned my teeth and put on my shoes...
*Trapped in travel: We all piled into the car and set off for the school sports. On the way we waved at the cars and sang songs about Mr. Tracey. Mark and I sat in the back and ate lots of twisties and chips...
*Fanatical about friends: Mrs. Ceniton asked me to help organize the stage for the school concert. So Andy and Jane and Phillip and I did all the backdrops. Tina and Pete and Malcolm did the lighting. Pam and Mandy did...
Put it all together and you don't get much room to tell the really interesting parts of the story. Sometimes we learn more about what the kids ate on the way to the zoo than what happened when the lion escaped!
See how this story improves dramatically when you cut out the warm-up writing. It is far more vibrant because the author now has something interesting to write about.
Before:
I got up that morning and got dressed in my tracksuit and was really excited and scared. After all our training today was the state competition. We had to leave at 7.00 so Mum and Dad and everyone gulped down breakfast and raced to get out the door. My sister Jackie and I sat in the back and ate lots of chips and chocolate. Then she had this sticky drink that spilt all over her. It was a long trip. We finally got to the competition and everyone piled out and headed into the gym...
After:
'Look at those Queensland kids,' said Jackie. 'Gee they're good.'
I watched a girl run at full speed onto the vault, sail high into the air in a double front somersault with half twist - and then totally nail the landing. She didn't even look like she was out of breath.
I groaned and pulled my track top closer around me. It was cold in the gym. Or maybe it was just me that was cold. My sister Jackie and I had been training all year for the state championships and today was the big final. Suddenly my legs felt like lead.
So how can we help our kids to write with more action? Try this:
1. Simply tell them to cut out all the boring bits. Ban them if you have to. No beds, no bus trips, no boring lists of friends or food. (Show them the list above.)
2. Get them to 'start when the action starts' - and not at the beginning of the day.
e.g. In the gym, NOT in the car on the way to the gym.
3. Give them the starting line.
e.g. 'That's a huge lion,' I said. We were at the zoo and...
So ban the boring - and help bring out the best in your kid's writing.
(C) Jen McVeity, National Literacy Champion.
Story Writing For Children
Then you have to put it all into interesting sentences that flow smoothly. Whew! Breaking the complex process of writing into chunks makes helping kids with their writing more effective - and far more fun too.
Here are two 'chunks' you could try to help your child write with more impact.
Show, Don't Tell
As we read words, pictures form in our mind. See what happens when you slowly read the lines below:-
* Snow glistens, thick and white on a mountain top.
* Orange and yellow poppies stand tall and cheerful in a vase.
Our job as writers is to create these pictures in the brains of our readers. That's what Show, Don't Tell is all about.
However, how can we do this when the idea is more abstract - like emotions? That's much harder for kids to write as there is no picture. Therefore we need to show them how to create one. For instance:-
TELL: My brother is lazy.
SHOW: 'Your turn for the dishes Tank,' said Mum.
'Yeah, later,' he said, yawning, and turned up the TV louder.
'No, now,' said Mum. She stood in the doorway, arms crossed. She knew later in Tank's mind meant somewhere between the year 2012 and infinity. Once, as punishment, Mum put all the dishes and saucepans Tank had forgotten on top of his bed. He just dumped them on the floor. A week later they were still there, a shoe in the spaghetti sauce, sweaty socks on the plates and a really bad smell wafting out the door.
Ah, now we have the picture for our minds. It takes much longer to write - but as readers, we are far more convinced.
How to Write Tension Scenes
Imagine a birthday party, a top restaurant, friends and family - and a massive earthquake that ends in disaster.
Here's the starting point by a 9 year old boy:
We were having fun in the restaurant when suddenly the ground started to shake. I didn't believe it. Then glasses started to break all over my plate. My sister tried to stand up, she was afraid. The ground was trembling, there was noise everywhere...
Tension scenes are one of the hardest parts of a story to write. Kids often make them too basic and short. Why? Well, we say 'write what you know', but children often don't have enough 'emotional experience' to imagine this sort of thing.
However, other people do - and their words are all in a dictionary or thesaurus.
So try this: Get your child to underline key words in the story - and then use a thesaurus to help bring the scene alive. You can actually do this BEFORE they write as well. Just ask, 'what are some things which will happen?' and make a list for them to use.
e.g.
fun - delight, enjoyment, amused, teasing, laughing, happy
The idea is NOT to merely substitute one word for another. It is to give a greater variety of words/inspiration/ideas to the writer - and let their subconscious do the melding.
After:
The waiter smiled as he put down a hot chocolate pudding right in front of me.
'You're not going to eat all that!' said my Dad. 'Here, I'll help!' He reached across with his spoon, teasing me. I pulled my plate away fast. Everyone laughed.
'Just a little bit,' Dad begged.
I shook my head. It was weird, but there was a strange buzzing sound as if everything was not quite real. I lifted my spoon, my hands felt like they were shivering. Or was it really the floor shaking? It wasn't possible, but now all the glasses were starting to clink. Suddenly one fell, shattering glass across my plate and into the dark chocolate. Then the noise hit me, harsh, grinding, vibrating right into my brain...
Get the idea? See how the word 'fun' has turned into something more specific - teasing and Dad trying to steal chocolate pudding. A simple 'shake' now has triggered 'shivering' and a 'buzzing' in the head. Best of all look at that last line; the words suggested from 'tremble' have now made this incredibly evocative and powerful.
If you want rich writing, give kids plenty of rich ingredients to work with.
Jen Mcveity has sinced written about articles on various topics from Dating and Romance, Parenting and Cure Anxiety. The fun Seven Steps to Writing Success program, by successful author, Jen McVeity, is in 900+ schools. Suited to the home school curriculum & gifted children, it has rapidly increased students' writing skills and enjoyment. Visit. Jen Mcveity's top article generates over 201000 views. to your Favourites.
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