Very few people get through life without having been hurt by a friend, a partner or a member of their family. In fact it is almost impossible to avoid the inevitable thoughtless remark, the misunderstandings, the disregard for people's feelings and general disagreements, but some things are far harder to recover from than most with infidelity being near the top of the list. Many of us get hurt by the smaller things, even from the unintentional and forgiveness for such indiscretions is usually quite swift but forgiveness for committing adultery isn't so easy.



Surviving infidelity is one of the hardest things anyone has to do and the sheer thought of actually offering ‘forgiveness for committing adultery' is in complete opposition to the hurt and the pain and the immense hatred of the cheating spouse.

It is so easy to stay angry, to get wound up in those early feelings of betrayal and to hold on to the pain but the easiest way of surviving infidelity is to move on and learning to forgive your partner is a way to heal.

In offering forgiveness for committing adultery your partner's behaviour can no longer cause you anger, you can let go of the hurt, the pain and the feelings of betrayal and start moving on with your life.

Anger is destructive, an emotion that can eat you up and destroy your life, learning to forgive and let go is a way to help you and not an easy way out for your partner. Forgiveness enables you to let go of all those feelings, it doesn't mean you won't ever remember what has happened, won't remember the pain, it isn't about the difference between right and wrong or that you are accepting the behaviour of your partner. It's about healing your self, learning from the experience, dealing with it and in so doing enabling you to move on.

In learning to forgive your partner for committing adultery you are not in any way indicating that your relationship can continue, you are not saying that their behaviour was acceptable and you are not saying that you are prepared to carry on the way things are. In forgiveness for committing adultery comes the ability to make the choice, decide whether you want to try and save your marriage or move on with your life without your cheating spouse.

It is often easier not to have to think about the future, about how you are going to recover from infidelity but as time goes by those feelings of hurt and betrayal will become harder to bear. It is easier to try and forget, try and not have to deal with reality but at some point you have to stop, start thinking about the situation, try and see it from your partner's point of view, try and understand what happened, why it happened and where you go from here.

Blame is not the answer, you can't blame your partner or yourself, you have to look beyond the blame, beyond the mixed up emotions and start taking control of your life. Try and understand that we are all human and that we all make mistakes but unfortunately some mistakes are greater than others. Not everything we do is intentional, some things just happen, not an excuse but a fact.

Look at your relationship, think about how things were in the past and decide if it's worth fighting for. Look at the positives, remember all the things you used to do together which you enjoyed, would going back to basics, starting again enable you to save your marriage. Consider what part you had to play in the indiscretion, was there a problem with your relationship that neither of you, had tried to, or been able to fix, were things at home just not working well, was there something you could have both done that much better. Quite often infidelity is as a result of marriage problems, not always but often. Again it is no excuse for the actions of your partner, their responsibilities lay in making you aware of how bad things were and not just jumping into some one else's bed but it might help you understand why and help you move ever closer to forgiveness ‘for committing adultery' and start the healing process.