Healing the impact of childhood abuse is a difficult yet hopeful process. If you were physically or sexually abused as a child, you may often feel fragmented, confused, vulnerable, and somewhat chaotic inside. You may have difficulty with trust and intimacy in your relationships, and your emotions may seem unpredictable and volatile to you. You may also have a generalized feeling that you are somehow "bad" or unworthy, and therefore, not like yourself very much. You may also feel guilty, as though you caused the abuse. All of these experiences are common and make sense in light of your childhood experience. There IS hope! An integrated and intentional approach in therapy can lead to healing in these areas of your life. This healing involves reconnecting with parts of yourself that seem disconnected and alienated, reclaiming your life by learning to be in charge of your behavior and make good choices, and transforming your relationship to self and others. It may be helpful to think of the healing process as taking place in three primary stages: 1) getting started; 2) reconnecting with yourself; and 3) moving on.
Getting Started is primarily focused on helping you understand what you are experiencing, what you can expect from therapy, and how you can help yourself through the process. In this stage, understanding is empowerment. During this time you learn new ways of thinking about the abuse and its effects. You develop skills and strategies for handling flashbacks, emotional intensity and boundary issues. Perhaps most importantly, you develop emotional self-care skills that will enable you to nurture, comfort, and calm yourself as you move through your healing journey. These skills can help you feel safer with the emotions that may seem overwhelming now.
Reconnecting With Yourself is the heart of the healing process, and takes commitment, courage, and a desire for wholeness. During this time you learn to identify the ways you have protected yourself that are no longer helpful to you. As you gradually replace these defenses with healthier coping skills you are freer to be in touch with what is inside you. You learn to experience a broader range of feelings, accurately name them, and make choices about expressing them. During this time your relationship with your body is also very significant. The way the abuse has affected your feelings about your body, and your body's need for healing are part of the healing process. At this point Trauma Touch Therapy (TM) can be integrated into your journey and provide another avenue for healing. Your relationship with yourself changes as you are able to have compassion for yourself, grieve your losses, and honor the truth of your experience. The fragmentation you developed as a way of staying safe becomes less necessary and you can begin developing a more cohesive sense of yourself as an adult. While this is a difficult time in the process, it is also one that is full of meaning, transformation and hope.
Moving On occurs as you are increasingly able to integrate your new awareness and experience of yourself on every level. How you think about yourself and the abuse is changing. Now you are open to new ways of viewing the world, others and yourself. Your new skills and ability to manage your feelings and maintain healthy boundaries bring with it the possibility for meaningful relationships. Perhaps most importantly, you may become less likely to identify yourself in terms of the abuse, as you move from being a survivor to being a thriver. You may experience increasing levels of energy to give to those things in the "here and now" that are important to you, as less of your energy is given to protecting yourself from the impact of the abuse.
As a survivor, you learned to use your "smarts" and ingenuity to get through an overwhelmingly painful experience. As a thriver, these internal resources that served you so well are transformed into strengths for living fully in the present.
Survivors Of Childhood Abuse
Patricia - an accountant with her own practice - had been suffering with a painful shoulder for nearly three years. With her prescribed pain-killers becoming less effective, she had visited her consultant again - but had been dismayed when he'd told her that her only option was a potentially dangerous operation. Not keen on the odds, Patricia had decided to go down the "alternative" route, which is how she came to be sitting in my office.
As soon as Patricia had walked through the door, I felt an immense sadness - coupled with the feeling that something traumatic had happened in her past. As I poured her a coffee, I asked Patricia if she felt weighed down by responsibility in her life. "Absolutely," she said, "as well as the practice, I also run the family home single-handed and make sure that my elderly parents are looked after too. Why do you ask?"
I explained that the mind and body are very strongly connected - and that very often issues that have psychological roots express themselves as pain or problems within the body. "Curiously," I told her, "the body tends to speak in puns. For example people who have difficulty expressing themselves often develop ailments around their throat - which is the area we associate with communication and free speech." Leaning forward in her seat, Patricia looked at me with an intense gaze and softly asked what problem shoulders signified. "It could be one of several things," I replied, "but it's amazing how often shoulder problems seem to be connected with 'shouldering' too much responsibility."
Patricia agreed that the concept made sense - but as I looked deep in her eyes, I had the overwhelming sense that we needed to explore deeper into the pain. I asked Patricia to close her eyes and talked her into a deep state of relaxation. Then, drawing on the techniques used by the ancient shamans, I asked Patricia - in her mind's eye - to travel into her shoulder and describe what she could see. "I see a black pyramid - with a lid." I asked her if it would be safe to remove the lid from the pyramid and as she nodded her response, I directed her to do so.
Immediately Patricia began to sob. After five minutes or so her tears started to subside - and still in a light state of trance she began to talk about how her father had both sexually and physically abused her as a little girl. The tears started again as she recalled her terror. I asked Patricia if she was prepared to do whatever was necessary to free her shoulder from pain. Again she nodded, and together we went through a psycho-dynamic exercise in which she eventually chose to forgive her father, while of course not condoning his actions. Patricia had been quick to realise that only she was being affected by the past, not her father - and that forgiving her father would be her pathway through to freedom.
As we finished the exercise, I asked Patricia to revisit the black pyramid. "Oh," she said, "its smaller now - but its still there." Once again she began to cry, this time more softly. Her voice was heavy when she started to speak. "I have never told anyone about the abuse as I didn't want the family to break up and I thought no one would believe me anyway. But now I'm frightened for my daughters - they don't know what their grandfather is capable of doing and it would hurt them dreadfully if I shattered their image of him. I have tried so hard to make sure that I am always in the room whenever we go to visit him, just so they are protected."
Suddenly I began to understand the real message from her shoulder. Patricia was shouldering the responsibility for protecting her daughters - and her father. But she had left herself out of the equation and now her mind was asking her - through her shoulder pain - to deal with the situation. Adamant that she couldn't tell her daughters the horrible truth, I knew that she had to be shocked into seeing the potential disaster that lay ahead if she kept quiet. "How will you feel if you discover that one of your daughters has been abused by your father - knowing that you could have prevented the situation by being honest?"
A shocked silence lay heavy in the room. "You're right - but it's going to be very hard." I brought Patricia out of her light state of hypnosis and together we worked out a plan for telling her daughters in a way that would protect them but not frighten them.
Patricia left my office looking as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She called me a week later to say that her shoulder pain had eased considerably - and that she was sleeping better than she had for years. A further update a month later revealed that she had gently warned her daughters without going into too much detail - and that her shoulder pain had gone entirely!
Both Suzanne Halfen, Psy.d. & Olivia Stefanino are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Suzanne Halfen, Psy.d. has sinced written about articles on various topics from Energy Healing. Suzanne Halfen, Psy.D. - Lakewood, CO 80215 - 303-975-9887 - Office - . Suzanne Halfen, Psy.d.'s top article generates over 3600 views. to your Favourites.
Olivia Stefanino has sinced written about articles on various topics from Difficult people, self improvement and motivation and Internet Marketing. Olivia Stefanino is a leadership consultant, speaker and author of the internationally acclaimed management book, "Be Your Own Guru". Interviewed on more than 25 radio stations and featured in "The Guardian", "Natural Health"& "Red", Olivia is a guest col. Olivia Stefanino's top article generates over 33100 views. to your Favourites.
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