Consider the plight of the working mom, gone 8 hours daily plus two hours drive time, and the working dad, same thing. Kids at home...on their own, doing what they want, and NOT what they have been told to do to help out. This can be absolutely the worst scenario for mom and dad ...to come home to a messy house, chores not yet done, dishes in the sink...TV blaring, and the kids not doing their homework. "Nagging" just doesn't do the trick and always leads to arguments and whining or some sort of a "scene".



I went through this scenario years ago when my young teens were for the first time free to be at home without the "sitter". I put up with it so long and then decided it was time to steal one of my top "motivation techniques" that I used in my classes (I was a special ed teacher). In those days, it was called "behavior disorder". Nowadays there are such labels as "attention deficit disorder" and "educationally impaired". Regardless, I had a lot of tricks up my sleeve to get these kids to concentrate on their skills in school, and I thought I would give it a try at home.

These techniques worked for me then, and with a few "modernization" ideas they will work now, in this day and age.

First of all, as a parent you need to decide what you want your kids to do as their part of the household. And don't say they don't need to do anything. They are members of the household. Same as you. Same as the other half of the marriage, the spouse...everybody in a household benefits from the things the household provides...food, shelter, warmth, etc. Cleanliness and tidiness without screaming and yelling and temper tantrums makes the household run smoothly and makes everybody happier.

So, make that list of what you would like to see your kids do. Make a good no nonsense list: make the bed, pick up the dirty clothes, wash their own clothes, keep the dirty dishes picked up, put away the toothbrush and toothpaste...common normal things that irritate you when they DON'T get done. Don't forget to add in Homework! Then tack on to the list at least three tasks that should be done as "extras" (things like cleaning the refrigerator or shaking out the scatter rugs or vacuuming the living room floor).

Make a chart listing those tasks, down the side of the page, with a space for each day going along the top of the page (you will need to check each item on a daily basis).

Next, decide what your kids really really like to do, (Listen to the ipod? Play nintendo?) and keep that in mind. Then, sit your kids down and write a contract with them, something to the effect that you will not say ONE WORD to them about accomplishing their "chores". They will be written on the chart. In turn for your not "nagging" them, they will simply do what is expected, and have it done by 7 pm every night. No "privileges" until then. NO television, NO ipods, NO cell phone. (Remove them in the morning of the first day you start the new regime.) You sign this contract, and your kids sign this contract. What they get out of this is no more nagging, and a chance to keep their favorite privileges, that up till now they have considered a right, rather than a privilege.

Every night at 7 pm the chart will be checked. If all the daily tasks have not been checked off, then the favorite thing will NOT BE USED. Furthermore, it will be removed from them until the next day, at 7 pm. Same thing. If the Daily chores ARE checked, then they have their favorite things back, then and there, for the evening. Don't start out too tough, it doesn't t have to be a perfectly made bed for example, but it can't be a rumpled mess either.

This only takes a couple of days, and guess what, you will be coming home and finding an orderly house and homework being done.

What about the "extra" items? Well, if they get three "extra" items done during a one week period of time, then you have two choices. You can give them an extra special something, or you can DO an extra special something with your kids - you will, after all, have more time to spend with them!!

Remember, it is YOUR home too. And you are not a "friend," you are a PARENT. You will be the one who is responsible for what kind of home THEY will provide for their own children. Teach them well. And Love them well.