Violent and abusive relationships can happen in any age group; however, teens face a unique set of challenges. Young teens may not know who to turn to get help or may think their mate's jealousy and possessiveness are just more signs of “true love.” Teenage dating is not always an innocent phase of life just before adulthood. It can even turn deadly. Many times violence is after a break up in a relationship that was not previously violent. It is estimated that more 10 percent of teens nationwide are in a dating violence situation.
What should a teen do if he or she feels they are in an abusive relationship or is thinking of leaving a violent mate? You should seek help from a trusted adult or a domestic-violence group.
Each case is different. In some cases you may need to get an order of protection. In other cases it may be enough to just break up the relationship. Because of a teen's age and inexperience it may be harder than adults to recognize the warning signs of abuse. Teens often also misinterpret warning signs of dating violence which includes jealousy, possessiveness, and sexual pressure as signs of love rather than warnings signs of abuse. A little bit of jealousy especially in the beginning of relationships is usually normal. If that jealousy turns into attempts to control and manipulate person violence, it can get very dangerous.
Abusive jealousy may start with little things such as a mate forbidding you to see friends alone or becoming angry at certain kinds of clothing you wear, hiding car keys so you cannot leave. All these things are warning signs that does not mean the other person loves you, but the other person is not reacting normally toward you in the relationship and you probably should just move onto someone else or just out of that particular relationship.
Messages can be confusing for teens especially. A mate may surprise you with flowers and beautifully written love notes, while at the same time, if he or she is upset at you for visiting friends alone or is hiding your car keys so you cannot leave, stop accepting the flowers and the notes, the relationship is not worth continuing on with.
It is common for teenage victims of dating violence and abuse to keep the problem from their parents. They fear if they tell the parents, the parents will demand a separation. Most teenage victims of dating abuse do not want this to happen. They keep hoping for the magical “something” to get back to when the relationship was good and continue to endure the abuse, sometimes until it too late.
More and more high schools are giving frequent presentations to teens. This has helped teens to see the warning signs of dating violence and abuse. Many teens will then come forth with their own stories, which can result in referrals to school counselors for further advice and instructions about their situations.
It is not always the girls who are being abused in teen dating relationships. Females are more likely to be the victims of teen dating violence, but they also can be the perpetrators. Anyone can be controlling and manipulative to the point of violence.
If you are a victim of teen dating violence and abuse and cannot tell your parents or do not want to tell your parents, at least talk to another trusted adult or school counselors about your problem. There are also hotlines set up in every locality for domestic violence that anyone can call and get help. These lines are usually 24-hour hotlines, which mean if you find yourself in a violent situation in the middle of the night, you can find help through these lines. If you find yourself in an emergency, do not hesitate to call local 911 emergency services. It could save your life. Once you are clear of the situation, you can look back and see how unproductive the relationship really was and keep moving until you find a mate who does not live his or her life just to control and manipulate your life.
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Teen Dating Violence Statistics
If there ever was any doubt in your mind where adult domestic violence has its? roots-put your inquisitive mind at rest. It starts with our kids!! In a recent study partnered by Teenage Research Unlimited and the Liz Claiborne Corp., teens 13-18 were surveyed on the frequency of dating violence in their lives.
The study revealed some shocking statistics and facts about the teen dating scene. Among many conclusions are that a significant percentage of teens not only are victims of dating abuse but also they accept it as normal and that they feel pressured to have and keep relationships particularly if it is a ?serious? one.
Teens in these serious relationships report by nearly a 2 to 1 margin more abuse, controlling and even violent behavior compared to other teens.
The study also showed that:
20% in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed
30% report being worried about their physical safety
64% report controlling behavior
55% compromise their values to please their partner
61% reported having a partner who made them feel bad or embarrassed about themselves
25% report being in a relationship where their partner put them down or called them names
29% said they were pressured to have sex they do not want.
50% of young women worry that their partner will break up with them if they do not agree to engage in sex
It is no wonder that this problem exists with teenage male belief systems that include:
Controlling their partners
Possessing their partners
Demanding intimacy
Physical aggression is the ?masculine? thing to do
Teenage female beliefs include:
There's no resource for help
Abuse is normal because their peers are abused
Jealousy, possessiveness and even abuse are ?romantic?
Historically other studies and surveys support these findings. This serves as pretty solid evidence that teenagers grow up in a society that frowns on adult domestic violence, yet it appears they serve their apprenticeships in high school learning the nuances of how to abuse. Do they learn on their own or do they learn from their abusive parents? It is a very difficult question to answer nevertheless the cycle must be broken. Today's youth represent the best chance to make a change.
Here's how to start. Educate and Prevent.
Know Some Warning Signs. Is there a history of violence with previous partners? Are there threats of violence, use of force? Is there cruelty to animals? Are traits of sudden anger, jealousy, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, unpredictable mood swings present? All or any of these can be predictors of future behavior and definite warning signs.
Set Standards. Only allow double dates for the first few dates. Know exactly what the plans are-who, where, what, when-be very specific. Remember: Trust but Verify. You love your children. It is your responsibility to set the standards for their actions.
Develop a Safety Plan. In an emergency know who to call: police, relative, parents, friend, neighbor, pastor-have a calling card handy. Know who you can trust to talk to. Develop a buddy system at school so you are never alone. Change your route to school if necessary. Carry some non lethal self defense items-pepper spray, personal defense alarms, etc. Trust your instincts.
Above all be prepared. Knowing what to look for and keeping an open mind may end up saving you a lot of pain.
Both Connie Limon & Jack Krohn are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Jack Krohn has sinced written about articles on various topics from Family Concerns, Home Management and Dieting. Jack Krohn started Security Solutions to help people prevent crime. His websites offer unique, hard to find products for self defense, ho. Jack Krohn's top article generates over 22200 views. to your Favourites.
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