Women are notorious for taking care of others first. We spend an excessive amount of time worrying about the success and happiness of our loved ones, and often put our own needs, hopes, wants, and dreams on the back burner. At some point in our lives, many of us end up feeling lonely, unappreciated, unfulfilled, and resentful. We never realize the amount of control we have over our own happiness. Our thoughts and beliefs can enhance our lives, or they can drain our spirits and leave us feeling empty. The fact is that many of us stay in or leave unhappy situations without first examining our own thought patterns. With the divorce rate extremely high, it is ironic that we divorce people more often than we divorce the beliefs that don't serve us. We stick to our positions at the expense of relationships, friendships, jobs, dreams, happiness, and joy.

Most of us married our beliefs so long ago, we can't even remember how we met in the first place. As infants, our self-esteem was at an all-time high. We crawled around as little tykes, totally oblivious as to what others thought of our thunder thighs, cellulite, or pudgy tummies. When our needs were not met, we did not stop to ask what was wrong with us. We just screamed louder until we got the attention we deserved. When other babies grabbed our toys, we just grabbed them back without wondering what we did to deserve such nasty treatment. We knew we were just fine as we were. Learning to walk, we fell down many times. Never seeing it as a sign of failure or incompetence, we just kept trying over and over again.

Somewhere along the line, we were introduced to a variety of thoughts based on our own interpretations of the world, the opinions of others, and our life experiences. We even started hanging out with some of these thoughts over and over again. "I'm not good enough. People won't like me if I disappoint them. I'm a poor athlete. I'm bad at math. Something is wrong with me. I'll never amount to anything. Men can't be trusted. Women are weak. I'm right. He is wrong. He is right. I'm wrong. If I fail at something, I'm a failure." If we hung out with these thoughts often enough, they became beliefs; and we eventually felt married to them.

When we hold on to beliefs that are not true and no longer serve us, we continually press the pause button on our lives. In order to divorce beliefs that never worked for us in the first place and create the fabulous life we deserve, we need to:

* recognize that thoughts lie.

* acknowledge that there will always be thoughts available to support any belief - whether positive or negative.

* understand that what we pay attention to matters.

* know that we, and we alone, choose, interpret, and arrange our thoughts to back up our beliefs.

* start hanging out with new, improved beliefs on a regular basis.

Before I divorced them, some of my limiting beliefs included:

* I'm too old.

* I'm too much of a dreamer.

* I'm too scattered.

* Who am I fooling?

* It's too late for me.

* People won't take me seriously.

* I don't know how to build a website, write an e-book, create a blog, etc.

* I'm not organized enough.

* I might fail.

* Failure must be avoided at all costs.

Realizing I never took a vow to love, honor, and obey these negative and abusive thoughts, I banished them from my life - making space for new and empowering beliefs to take their place. Since I make up my beliefs anyway, they might as well be great ones! What beliefs are holding you back and keeping you from achieving your dreams? If they no longer work for you (if they ever did), it's time for a major breakup!

Copyright © 2008 by Holly A. Cox, L.C.P.C., C.D.C. ®