It appears, scandalously enough, to be the question Islamic terrorism foists on us. Of course, there are times when a chancy question can diplomatically be allowed to slip by unanswered, especially by a humor magazine. But there are also times when, instead of slipping by, it just keeps putting itself in your face. On such occasions, apparently, the only way to deal with it for ourselves and our readers is to address it.



We became even more convinced of the necessity as we experienced another ineffably sad 9/11.

So here we go, back to Theology 101.

Do does God advocate murder? Even more scandalous, does God usher off to an eternal reward in heaven those who murder in his name?

First, let's get our definition of God in order. We can certainly all agree that He (She or They) is simply the ultimate source of us all. You can add your own details. The inference would still apply. A God with a credit like “the ultimate source of us all” would be very unlikely to endorse one group of us murdering any other group.

If you add to the definition the accolade “God is great,” the likelihood that He (She or They) would advocate murder only seems to diminish even further. After all, we do not consider, when widely workable values have a place, murder an attribute of greatness, which is one reason we do not consider mafia bosses who order it and then reward the perpetrators as great. We toss them in jail. And we certainly don't want to think of God as someone who should be locked up for murder.

Just to put a bow on the logical present we would like to ship off to Osama bin Laden, if we only knew his address, and to his planeloads of ill-fated dupes, we offer the following – of all things? – syllogism: God is great. Greatness, at least, as virtuous people understand it, does not include murder. Therefore, God does not advocate murder.

Now, let's take the other side of the argument for a moment to clarify our position: God is great. Greatness, as virtuous people understand it, includes murder. Therefore, God advocates murder.

We can say for our part, if the opposite side of the argument applies, we are then in the same riverboat with Mark Twain, who, when contemplating eternity, said, “Heaven for climate; hell for society.”

Speaking about eternity, let's deal with the second part of the question. Since we have determined that any God worthy of the name would not advocate murder, but would, as the ultimate source of all our lives, more likely abhor it, probably as the worst offense. So, within the traditional paradigm of reward and punishment in terms of upward or downward mobility, such a God would more likely have waiting for them, not an upwardly mobile reward, but a decidedly downward punishment.

We have now done what we can to address the outrageous terrorist platform of God misconstrued as advocating and rewarding murder and hope we have helped slip the platform out from under at least some of its mistaken proponents, so that they might awaken as they topple and spare their own lives and the lives of the people they might otherwise murder.

We may, we think, conclude with the assurance that, as it might grace a folk song, 9/11 and ain't no terrorist in heaven.