It's true; I really do love wine and food from Italy, France, Germany, and many other countries as well. And who among us can reject a bargain? But I also hate wine, especially many aspects of the wine scene. Let me explain my top ten reasons for this love-hate relationship. Previous articles discussed the unconscionable expense, the embarrassing lack of knowledge, and no wine cellar. Here I examine one of my favorite, should I say unfavorite reasons: I can't get the ... bottle opened. Actually this is the most dangerous reason. A sliced finger is absolutely no fun. And you can't get true rose wine by adding blood to any white wine. I have to confess that I am a bit of a klutz. Actually they once held a contest for klutziness and I was eliminated in the qualifying round. The judges muttered something under their breath. I think I heard "Unfair competition" and "Give the others a chance".
I am the proud owner of a faux silver-plated sommelier's (wine steward's) bottle opener. Actually, I once owned two of these marvelous contraptions, but was lucky enough to misplace one of them. But this dagnabbed contraption just refuses to work properly; at least not for me. I have come THIS close to slicing my fingers off, where the word THIS stands for a quarter of a millimeter, or more realistically the size of the dot on this i. So I use a non-professional wine bottle opener that gouges a hole in the cork almost the size of my neighbor's swimming pool. I've actually grown to appreciate a bit of cork in the wine. It gives that "Je ne sais quoi" taste. Don't even think about getting me to open a Champagne bottle. Our lodgings walls host permanent reminders of each and every one of our Champagne-toasted events. I am anxiously awaiting the day when Champagne comes in a drink box.
Would you believe it, shortly after writing the first draft of this article I managed to break my beautiful little sommelier's bottle opener? However, as luck would have it the bottle didn't break. I found an alternate method to open the bottle and savor the wine. (And a little cork.)
Here are the other reasons that I hate wine, to be explored shortly: The insomnia, Food problems, Wine snobs, Those smells and those tastes, Those colors, Home brew, One more problem and yes, The Solution.
Levi Reiss has sinced written about articles on various topics from Touring Italy, Travel and Leisure and Food and Drink. Levi Reiss has authored ten computer and Internet books, but between you and me, he prefers fine Italian or other wine, accompanied by the right foods and good company. He loves teaching computer classes at an Ontario French-language community college. Hi. Levi Reiss's top article generates over 450000 views. to your Favourites.