Of course, I've learnt to be nothing but professional when the couple are making out in the back although even with the privacy screen firmly in place it is definitely distracting when the car's bouncing around. Can't understand why they can't wait until they get home but in the realm of things I don't talk about are the couples that don't go home to each other - if you get my meaning.



All manner of customers book chauffeur car hire for various reasons. We have the up and coming businessman who wants to show all his daughters friends how well they are doing and will hire me to take her to the prom.

You can be sure that the girl in the pretty dress with manicured nails and hair straightened to within an inch of its life will board the limo looking the picture of discreet loveliness. But get a few of her mates in the back with her and she turns into a common ladette who wolf whistles out of the window in an embarrassing fashion.

There are the corporate gentlemen who are relieved to be out of the office and will collect a colleague, drive around the peaceful countryside towards an airport and hold their meetings on board. These are quite often congenial people who will make conversation and that breaks up my day somewhat. Of course, I would never listen in on their meetings but if I were you I would check out the safety of your savings because bank managers are looking a little fraught these days.

Multitudes of celebrities use chauffeur car hire for public events. The ones who have been caught for drink-driving and who have money to spare will use us all the time. The others use it for red carpet events and these are always fun, especially on a long journey.

I pick up the celebrity from their home, take a few detours while they finish applying their make-up and removing undergarments (a current trend I don't understand but wish they wouldn't leave in my car), and, with precision planning, pull up outside the venue with the passenger door right up to the red carpet.

You can be quite sure that they don't look as perfect when they leave the venue after a few pints of wine as they did on arrival but I return them safely home and spends the next morning cleaning vomit and underwear from the back seat. All in a day's work!

I've arrived at work today to be told a top celebrity has booked chauffeur car hire for an awards ceremony tonight. Bodyguards are an everyday occurrence with these people but this one has hired a separate car for them as there are so many. I'm also to be driving one of our few armour plated cars tonight. Don't tell anyone, but I always like to think of myself as a bit of a James Bond when I'm driving that.

This is one of our few celebrity jobs that I enjoy because this particular star is a real lady. She is always ready on time, always polite, never leaves a mess and is not trashy like some of the younger ones. It's days like this that I really enjoy my job.

Pulling up to the red carpet, the queen of music winks at me, passes over a slip of paper and steps out of the car to be instantly enveloped by bodyguards. Looking at the paper, I see she has passed me her phone number! My days of chauffeur car hire could soon be over!