5. Marco Boogers: Now this guy was hilarious. God knows where West Ham found him - well in fact, we do know - they found him on a trailer park and they paid him loads of money to play one match - almost kill someone - get sent off and walk back to the dressing room looking like Thomas Gravesen on acid. Brilliant. What a fool.



4. Winston Bogarde: You have to take your hat off to old Winston - he probably wasn't even a footballer, you know, but he made Chelsea honour his contract of 40k a week for what seemed like an entire age, without kicking a football. OK, he played 11 games. Nobody would touch him after that, but he didn't seem to care - he had millions stuffed away in his bank account and apparently he was boss at Football Manager.

3. Andrea Silenzi: Everyone thought that Silenzi would be the revival of Nottingham Forest, but the overgrown Italian turned out to be an overpaid waste of space and lost his place in the team to a man whose head looked like a pineapple. Of course, this was back in the days when English managers thought that any Italian would be an improvement on their team, so the signing of Silenzi proved to be something of a watershed in English football.

2. Jean-Alain Boumsong: This must be a joke, yes? Jean-Alain Boumsong, so bad that he looks like his manager has made him sit in a swivel chair, rotated him 100 times and sent him out onto the pitch for a dare, signs for Juventus? After being rotten for Newcastle 92 minutes out of 90 every week? This is amazing.

1. Ali Dia. I just love to hear about Ali Dia - it's the funniest football story ever, and made especially so because it happened to Graeme Souness - the worst manager ever. Ali Dia comes on for about two minutes before Souness realises he's been had - this is not George Weah's cousin, it's some bloke from a caravan park! Brilliant.

Can you think of anyone worse than this lot? Give me a shout!