Death of a spouse can cause many people, especially men, to take on new spouses. Because people tend to compare everything to their past experiences or past relationships these new unions should not be seen as a continuation of previous ones or in no way should a man or woman compare another to their previous. Doing so is a recipe for disaster.



Death is something we do not look forward to even though we know it will certainly strike each one of us sooner or later. But because we give it so little thought in our day-to-day life, death usually finds most of us totally unprepared.

The most traumatic experience is losing a loved one. The grief and overwhelming sense of deprivation that follow, not to mention the sleepless nights, can be too much for anyone.In such circumstances, it is understandable why many married men find it easier to cope by re-marrying, especially when there are children involved.

Then there is the guilt factor with the feeling of betrayal to your dead spouse and asking the question if your partner would have liked the idea.

The big question always is what should happen in a family when the mother dies. Should the father discuss with his children the option of marrying another woman? This depends on the age of the children; when they are young, they will likely shout ?yes!? and be filled with hope that the love and care they received from their mother will soon be restored.

But what if the children are past adolescence and their dad decides to marry a girl who is closer in age to his children than him, would such a marriage work and will they readily call her mum?

Although every family experiences problems like this and others, in some situations it is better for a widower to widow to re-marry rather than have relationships with different women or men. After all, this is the age of the deadly disease, Aids. Re-marriage would also go a long way in ensuring that the family, especially the children, receive some much needed attention.

For this second relationship to flourish physical, psychological, social and spiritual needs must be met. Just like the first marriage, the second union should also be a life-long journey of self-discovery and working to become part of another person.

Step ? fathers present as much of a challenge as step ? mothers. For instance, what if he is of a different religion from his new family? What if he expects everyone to convert to his religion because he is now the head of the family? What about if he is a jobless alcoholic ? will he expect the children to follow his example and turn the home into a brewing den?

Children see more than we give them credit for and it is not unusual to hear them in the estate mimickering their ?loving father? by showing their playmates how much he enjoys a full fledged affair with alcohol while humming his favorite tunes. It is important to discuss financial issues before re-marriage and make provision for any children from previous marriages. But couples who have re-married should not regard the new marriage as a continuation of the previous one.