For a lot of folks, the trail to personal transformation and self-improvement is a long and winding trail filled with intricate barriers. Drug companies in particular have capitalized on and created massive fortunes because of the elusive search for the "Magic Pill" that will fix everything.  As it turns out, there is a secret formula for success, and it begins in the subconscious mind.



One of the presuppositions of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) is that "there is a positive intention behind all behaviors."  And based on that presupposition, when it comes to getting rid of negative behaviors, there is an equation that we must always keep in mind.  I'll let you in on the secret formula in a minute.  But first, I have a riddle for you to solve.

Riddle: A holy man made his child drink lye, which burned out the child's voice box.  What was the positive intent behind this action? 

If you are like most of the clients who have visited my office since 1978, you'll exclaim something like: "There isn't any."  But you would be totally incorrect.  To answer this riddle, first you have to separate the behavior from the positive goal of the behavior.

The minister's child was cursing.  And the preacher believes that if his child curses, his soul will be condemned to Hell.  So the answer is that the preacher was burning out his child's vocal cords so that he couldn't curse.  By doing so, he was saving his child's soul from being destined to Hell.

The secret equation for successful change uses and works as follows: 

We should value the positive intention that motivates each behavior.  If we have an urge to make use of a behavior that we don't appreciate, we can easily get rid of the urge to use that behavior. All we must do is to find another behavior and substitute it in its place. To be successful, the new action must be as accessible and effective at accomplishing the same secondary gain, but be more consciously acceptable to you.  We call this a REFRAME.

When clients come into my office, one of the first things that I do is to take a thorough case history.  Let's imagine that they come to my office and ask me to help them .  Experience tells us that the two main reasons that people eat too much are: (1) to reduce stress; (2) because eating can be a conditioned response.  For instance, if a person eats while they are working on a computer, they will develop a conditioned response, and thereafter, every time they work on a computer they will get an urge to eat.

However, the above answer only takes into consideration the possible secondary gain received from the eating behavior.  What if they also have another behavior that is involved in the equation?  Case in point: What if being obease is also a behavior for this person?  I can hear your mind grinding right now as you think, "Being fat isn't a behavior, what are you talking about?"

Sorry but you could be 100% incorrect.  Here is a simple classic textbook example that will clearly illustrate the fact that being fat can be a behavior.  It can be a behavior because it can supply secondary gains. 

Example: A woman is in love.  Her partner breaks up with her, and her heart is broken.  Her unconscious wants to shield her emotionally and keep her from having her heart broken again.  So it motivates her to get fat to keep her out of relationships.  That way she won't get her heart broken again. 

Everyone is totally different.  And sometimes there are hidden elements at work causing neurotic behaviors.  These are elements that are different for each person.

Here's another case in point: A woman comes to my office complaining of an out of control compulsion to overeat at dinnertime.  During my case history, upon questioning, the woman explains to me how she was never able to please her father.  

During an age regression, we learned that one of her early memories was of eating a meal with her family.  And dad was insisting in a very loud voice that she clean her plate, even though she was bursting.  So she finished the food on her plate because of fear, and her father praised her for eating all of the food.  It was one of the only times in her life that she could recall her dad telling her that she had made him happy.

Jump forward to present day.  Her dad has been deceased for many years, but the subconscious program he created is still at work.  She still has a compulsion to eat all of the food on her plate, even if she is feeling bloated, because by cleaning the plate, in her unconscious mind she is getting dad's approval, and eliminating her own fear!

So if you are having a problem making personal changes, keep in mind that there is a positive intent behind all behaviors. And the secret formula for successful change is to substitute a different behavior that will accomplish the same secondary gains, but in a mode that is more consciously suitable to you, as an individual. The most effective way to get your unconscious to take the responsibility for making this kind of alteration for you is through an .