Joe's Story

Joe (not his real name) works as the Director of Engineering for a company that invents methods to improve refining processes and oil extraction. They then lease the patents on those methods to oil companies. Recently, Joe was able to put his EI skills into practice and help his company's bottom line.

While on his way to meet with a customer in South America to renew a $15 million contract, Joe learned that the customer wanted to reduce the contract fees to $12 million. On the flight down, Joe was feeling anxious and worried about the meeting. After all, $2 million in revenue and an important customer relationship were on the line.

Recognizing his anxiety, Joe applied a few simple EI techniques he'd been taught to transform those feelings into more positive, productive thoughts and emotions. As a result, he came up with several positive options he could present during the meeting.

Although the meeting went quite well, one individual hampered the negotiation process, picking over the details and questioning every point.

Again drawing on his EI training, Joe avoided becoming defensive and expressing frustration, handling his own emotional reactions to the man's objections well. He ended up convincing the oil company to agree to additional services and process improvements and to sign a contract several million dollars over the original contract.

Emotional Intelligence is not about being soft. It's about a different way of being smart. It's about managing yourself and using your emotions to positively lead others; to engage not just their head and hands, but also their hearts.

Putting EI Into Action

You feel the effects of emotional turmoil daily. What can you do? You can take action to develop your own emotional intelligence.

Start by increasing your emotional self-awareness and asking yourself, "What am I feeling right now?" several times a day?" Notice that the question is not "how" but "what" because we tend to answer the question "How am I feeling?" with the word "Fine" which tells us nothing.

When you figure out what you're feeling (such as anxiety, happiness, anger, excitement) you can use that information to help you decide what you should do or not do next. Simply put, with this information, you can more effectively make decisions.

Second, begin to disclose and discuss your feelings. If you're feeling concerned or anxious about an issue, recognize those feelings by disclosing them and sharing them. Typically, when anxious, people will find fault or find some point to object to: "Those numbers can't be right."

Instead, the more emotionally intelligent thing to say is, "I have to tell you, I'm feeling a bit anxious about this decision." This not only helps your team by giving them more information about you and your point-of-view, it provides a more complete view of your perspective. Discussing feelings improves communication and sets the tone for cooperation.

Third, get some EI skill training. EI skill development works best in the form of classroom sessions combined with one-on-one coaching. Be sure the training is skill-based, that is, provides not only information about EI but also the chance to practice skills on real situations. And, be sure that the provider has documented quantified results. Business decisions are based on measured results and decisions on selecting training should be based on the same criteria.

Source:

1. Daniel Goleman, "What Makes A Leader?" HBR, 1998.