We learn many things growing up - some of them are useful, and some get us into messes we can't figure out. For many of us, the journey to healthy loving relationships started out upside down and backwards. We learned to focus our attention on other people before we knew and loved our own self. The truth is that never works. There are three arenas that require our attention not just one. Those three arenas are self, source and then others. Here is what they look like:

Self: This is your unique identity, your personality, all that you consider yourself to be.

If you don't know yourself as an individual what really do you have to share with someone else? Part of the joy that occurs when we interact with others comes when we feel that someone really "gets us." They seem to know who we really are. We feel understood, appreciated and accepted. This is so much more likely to happen when we "get" ourselves first.

Source: This is your true essence - beyond your personality self.

Connection with source energy replenishes and reminds us that we are all made of the same stuff, and that stuff is essentially good, wise and loving. Remembering this about ourselves makes it more likely that we will recognize others as magnificent expressions of source energy also. When we turn our attention inward and relax our personality selves we gain access to our core essence qualities. Things like joy, wisdom, freedom, creativity, and power exist as potentials inside all of us. These core qualities are not unique to us, but are shared with everyone and are available when we choose to contact them and call them forward. When we take time to know our own source energy we are more prepared to see the same essential goodness in others.

Others: This is where the juiciness of our human interactions takes place - with others.

Others includes the ones who push our buttons, the ones who attract us and the ones who repel us too. The beauty of real love is that in loving others we are enriched ourselves. When we enjoy the personalities of others, and celebrate their essential qualities we feel expanded and enhanced. This is so much more likely to occur when we take the time to get right with our own selves first.

Connecting from self delights us and assures that we will have genuine connections with others.

Connecting from source unites us, uplifts us and assures that our relationships will not stagnate but instead with expand and grow.

Connecting with others fulfills us.

Why leave any of it out?