I have a 12 year old son finds it terribly difficult to listen to me. If i want him to do something, I have to go up to him and put my hand on his shoulder and say to him, "Sammy, look at me with your eyes". It's as if no-one is home inside of him sometimes. He truly doesn't hear me. Therefore I don't expect him to answer me if I am not infront of him. Many would disagree with this but that is the way I deal with Sam.

Sam is an individual and as such needs to be treated differently than my other three kids. He is mildly ADHD and I need ot allow for that, even though I don;t let it become an excuse. With htis child, I choose to focus on other more important things in his life.

Whereas I have a 14 year old who is not ADD or ADHD and I know is capable of much, much more than his other brothers. Therefore I hold him to a much higher standard. This is my choice. I have always told me children that they are individuals and as such I will treat them as individuals.

This year Sam is playing soccer but my other three are not. That is my choice. He has a flair for soccer and practices harder and is more passionate than the others about the game I decided to give him that opportunity above the others. It beats me how Sam can always be concentrating when the ball is near him but when I say somethign to him he just doesn't hear me. But that's the way he is, so I make ammends for him and use different strategies for him.

With my other children, I expect them to jump when I ask them to do something. They are capable of that so I require it of them. Sometimes I still have to get down to Rebekah's level (she is nine years old). If she was playing a gam,e and I needed her I would tend to go to her to make sure I had her attention.

As a rule I do not call out to my kids through the house, however, if I did there would be a very good reason for it (such as the house was on fire or I was stuck). If you model not calling out to your kids through the house you will find that they will start to copy you. Whatever you do, you can bet your kids will do the same. This can be very good sometimes but it can actually work against you if you are not careful.

We need to model listening to our kids and this one thing you can be very sure of: if you never listen to your kids they will not listen to you. This is worth remembering. You have no right to expect your child to listen to you if don't listen to them in return. Remember, being a parent is not about dictatorship as some parents believe, rather it is a two way communication between parent and child, whereby your child has the right to request choices and privileges from you.

I hope this helps parents just a little. Listen to your child and they will listen to you in return.