Keeping a �we� instead of ?me? perspective is the key to healthy conflict resolution and a lasting marriage. According to researchers, couples who stay happily married for long periods of time are good at repairing conversations when they become corrosive and negative. They do not let negativity become habitual or a common reaction to stress or conflict. It is much easier to adopt these habits when you approach challenges as partners instead of adversaries. Help your marriage with these five keys to better conflict resolution.

Winning and Losing

Couples who approach conflicts with a ?me? mentality are setting their marriages up for failure. An argument should not yield a winner and a loser. The goal should be to help your marriage emerge as triumphant. Adopting selfish attitudes (me-against-her or me-against-him) will only exacerbate arguments and in the long term drive you further and further apart. When you give your relationship priority over the two individuals who make it up, conflicts can be resolved more effectively and may even bond you closer.

Sticking to the Subject

Nothing is quite as frustrating in the middle of a conflict as your partner lobbing an emotion-laden comment that is unrelated to the subject at hand. Such comments are thoroughly distracting and they stall any effort to move toward resolution. This is often a tactic for individuals who perceive the argument on a win/lose continuum. They learn that throwing in a highly emotional, totally irrelevant comment keeps the final verdict from being reached. No verdict, no defeat. Of course, no resolution to the conflict emerges either. Sticking to the subject is one of the best ways to help reduce conflict in your marriage.

Bullying Doesn't Help

Often when things get uncomfortable or ugly, some people switch into self-preservation mode. This often involves regressing to very primitive behaviors like intimidation ? physical, emotional or mental. They attempt to make the other person buckle under fear. Others hurl insulting labels in order to depreciate or demean. Again though these tactics may result in victory for an individual, they never produce a victory for the marriage. Using these tactics will only result in more pain and further emotional distance. No matter how heated the conflict, nothing good can come from acting like an irrational child.

Tuning in

In the middle of an argument, there is absolutely nothing that produces gains as dramatically as listening. Keeping this simple point in mind can help your marriage tremendously. When you are listened to, you aren't nearly so eager to win at the other person's expense. Being listened to makes you want to listen. So the next time you are going around in circles, try to swallow your pride and stop defending your own position. Open yourself up to what your partner is saying and you will find that a resolution will instantly be within reach.

Celebrating the Positive

Reinforcing good behaviors has proven much more effective than punishing the bad. Too many people choose to focus on deficits and shortcomings. When it comes to resolving conflict in marriage, it can be exhilarating to celebrate together that a new skill has been gained through a difficult moment. A potential loss has been turned into a victory. Focusing on your hard-won strengths and progress as a couple will help your marriage emerge triumphant from battle.