If you are at the end of the road with infertility treatment and considering adoption it is important for you to gain as much knowledge as possible about the realities of domestic adoption. Without this knowledge you could unknowingly sabotage you chances for success.

Over the years I have seen many people enter into adoption without taking the time to research and seek the knowledge that is necessary to successfully adopt, as a result they were unrealistic about what to expect.

Here are some examples of how people sabotage their efforts to adopt:

1. Thinking that birth mothers are like you or that they think like you:

You may never understand how someone could give up their baby. Remember your worlds are very different you want a baby more than life itself and for many of these women a baby is the last thing they want at this time in their life. A pregnancy which would be your biggest joy is probably their biggest problem. Be aware of this and do not second guess the “how” a woman could do it. They do because they need to.

2. Not being realistic about what birth mothers are like:

Many people enter into adoption thinking that the typical birth mother is an unwed teen who just happened to get pregnant or the college student who got pregnant by a med student. This profile is inaccurate and unless you get real no birth mother will be good enough for you. Teens and college students are the rare birth mother. A more typical scenario is a woman in her mid 20's with no job, minimal education and no support system, many of these women are raising one or more children and they do not have enough to provide for another. This is reality so if you wait for the college student you could wait a very long time. Women who choose adoption may not fit the picture you have in mind but they are usually very selfless women who produce wonderful kids. Don't get hung up on a profile that is unreal.

3. Being uneducated about birth mother living expenses:

It is important to know and understand what is allowable and customary regarding helping a birth mother. Most states allow for birth parents to receive help with pregnancy-related living expenses. This means you may be asked to help pay for maternity clothes, rent, utilities, food and transportation for a period of time. If you have not educated yourself about this you may say no to a perfectly good adoption because you do not see the need to pay expenses. Almost all birth mothers need some help. The key is to let your adoption professional guide you on what risks to take. In an average adoption you can expect to pay between 1K and 3k in living expenses.

Outlined here a just a few ways you could sabotage your adoption. Be sure you and you mate are both committed and truly ready. If one partner is pulling the other into adoption it probably will not work

I recommend seeking much information and support. Talk to people who have adopted, read books on adoption, hire a coach, interview professionals, visit adoption chat rooms. Information will give you some control over a somewhat uncontrollable process.

I wish you the best in your journey to parenthood.