I agree with you, but. . .

Your hair looks great, but. . .

What do you think of these three prior sentences? Do you get the feeling that whatever might be coming next isn't going to be very good?

The word 'but' is a huge negator that will cost you persuasive power, and if you get right down to it, learning to use language with precision is a key element of persuasion.

'But' weakens your ability to persuade. This is across the board--in print, in conversations, in e-mail, in all forms of communication. It's a tiny, yet dangerous word.

How does 'but' hurt you? Well, let's take the examples above. Have you ever had a romantic interest say to you, 'You know, I really like you a lot, but. . .'? What usually comes next? Well, how about, '. . .but I really just want to be friends.' Yikes! Or I'm sure we've all heard this at least once, '. . . but I'm just not ready to be in a relationship.' Ouch!

Then there's, 'I agree with you, but. . .' But what? 'But it's just too expensive.' Ugh. 'But I still think I'm right.'

Using 'but' in the sentence negated everything that came before it. What 'I agree with you, but. . .' is really saying is, 'I don't agree with you.'

But has the added deficiency of making you sound indecisive or wishy washy. It takes away the power of what you're saying and lessens your authority, exposing weakness in your conviction.

Avoiding this appearance of indecisiveness is especially important when persuading the affluent. Did you know that 80% of millionaires are business owners? What's more persuasive--using negating words like 'but', or a more solid statement like, 'I don't agree with you, and here's why'?

Start to pay attention to others when they use the word 'but'. You may get the feeling that they're not telling you the whole truth, the whole story, like there's something they're holding back. You might even get left with the feeling of 'What else is wrong? What else am I not aware of?' When this occurs, our brains perform what is called a trans-derivational search (TDS) in order to internally search for what's wrong. You're actually attempting to mind-read what you think they're leaving out. In most cases, this leaves you assuming they disagree with you. That's the opposite of rapport.

I noticed a big but not too long ago when a young Hollywood starlet was interviewed before she went to jail (the first time). Her sentences were filled with incongruency. At one point where she said (and I'm paraphrasing), 'Well, I feel really bad about what I've done and I'm ready to face the consequences of my actions, but' and then she just trailed off. She didn't finish her sentence.

But what? 'But I'm a rich, spoiled, beautiful, privileged celebrity and I can do whatever I want any time I want, so bite me'? See? That's where my TDI search took me. I filled in the blank she left with my own mind reading abilities.

One of the great secrets to persuasion is reading between the lines. What people say is what they mean. 'But' is a perfect example of this. Listening to what people say is your job.

There's a really easy way to eliminate 'but' and regain your persuasive power. Simply replace it with 'and'.

Here are some simple replacements to try. Instead of, 'I agree with you, but I still think I'm right.' Try, 'I agree with you and I still think I'm right.' Instead of, 'I really want to hire you, but we can't afford what you're asking.' Try, 'I really want to hire you, and we can't afford what you're asking.'

Eliminating 'but' will give you more credibility when speaking to others and more congruency and less contradiction making you way more successful in persuasion.