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I Want Master Life And Death
Lorelei F.
In the days of my childhood my dad and I had a great time together, and our time always included goodies. Ice cream, donuts, and candy bars were among our favorites. We laughed and sang and ate in a fairy tale world where I had never even heard of food addiction or cravings.
In short my dad loved to eat and so did I. It was one of the many levels upon which we met. We were very connected and we loved each other a lot.
But in the last years of my dad's life as I began to grapple with my own food addiction, and my dad began to lose all of his health and vitality, I began to wonder- did we really need all of that? We had something special together; no question about it, and it would have been there even if we weren't eating the junk food. So was it all really worth the loss of my father's mobility, eyesight, and vitality in the last years of his life. This same sickness eventually had him doing nothing but sitting listless in a chair for days on end, alternating between sleeping in the chair and sleeping in his bed.
And what is odd to note is that by the end my father had lost all capacity to eat anything at all. And in reality, he died from not being able to eat.
So what can the rest of us take from this whole experience? There is no question that it is not easy to live without eating sugar, wheat and flour- and a whole other host of potentially addictive foods. Food manufacturers flood every known box, bottle, and can on grocery store shelves with all manner of these substances- and it is nearly impossible to find packaged food without it. For me personally it took a lot of work and planning- but I lived a full seven years with no traces of these ingredients in my body. None, that is, except a piece of fruit twice a day. Interestingly, it also takes about seven years for all the cells in a human being to replace themselves- though I was not thinking of this at the time. These days I live mostly craving-free, possibly because all of my addicted cells have been replaced.
During the week after my dad's death I did partake in some of the typical no-nos. I had some ketchup, which contains sugar. I had a few onion rings. My family, now used to a whole new me, was shocked. I feel that perhaps it was just my yearning to once again feel some comfort in food, as if my dad were back with me. But I know I tread on dangerous waters, and I don't suggest you try it- especially if you still have most of your old, addicted cells.
So where does this whole conversation leave us. For me it leaves me with a stark reality. I feel healthy, vibrant, and fully alive these days, and I want to honor my father's love by not following him down the path to self destruction. He could not avoid it, but I can. So I will stick to the foods that keep me feeling great. And I will try to educate others on the same issue. And I will hope that the manufacturers and food stores eventually start to provide us with foods that we can eat. And knowing my father and his loving nature, his spirit will be happy if I follow this path.
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