Glass, on the other hand - the one turning the highly polished, brass doorknob - says secure, at peace and nothing to hide. It also says the owners aren't likely to cast the first stone.

Stained glass says the same things glass does - stained glass just says them more colorfully. Stained glass might also have a religious significance. It might be a reminder of childhood, Sunday mornings spent counting the panes in the stained glass windows in church.

Then there are entrances that are painted. According to feng shui, a red entrance will bring money into your life. Although my husband doesn't believe in feng shui, he said he'd paint our entrance red as soon as the guy in the red suit brought money down our chimney.

Okay, no red entrance; but if an entrance is a different color than the house and looks good, the owners are good at compromising. If it doesn't look good, the house probably belongs to a politician caught in a compromising position. Because politicians are continually changing their minds about political issues, maybe their houses should have revolving doors - red, blue or a color independently chosen.

Large portals are for optimists. They see big things in their futures and want to be sure they'll fit in their lives. Large portals might also mean the homeowners supersize their burgers too often.

Most houses have doorbells. If owners choose to have a knocker instead, they're open to change. They know that opportunity doesn't ring a doorbell. Opportunity knocks.

If owners choose to have peepholes, they're very cautious and private people. Of course, there is one other explanation. One of the mothers-in-law might live in the area.

We live in a condominium; and when I walk the dog or get the mail, I leave our natural-wood-with-a-glass-panel door unlocked. I have to stop doing that. John wants to know what I'd do if I came home and there was a burglar in our house. I thought I had a good answer. I said I'd apologize to the burglar for being in the wrong house and quickly leave. Needless to say, John doesn't think that's "a door able".