Prompted by a news story relayed to me be one of my clients that a woman had murdered her husband after she had discovered that he had been "unfaithful to her online", I've just spent a few minutes on Second Life's website. Have you heard about it? My kids have, lots of people I talk with have - where you create a virtual life for yourself in a 3D online world - you buy and sell property, get jobs, climb the ladder of success, meet the love of your life...

Wow. For once, I'm stuck for words!

Why are some "gamers" spending up to sixteen hours a day - yes 16! - "living" in a virtual world? What's happened their lives in this one, the so-called "real world"?

I suppose the first point to make is that, if decades of research is correct, the vast majority of people are dissatisfied with their "real" lives. They are what I call "normal" people - whose lives are "not too bad". Recent surveys indicate that over 90% of "normal" people worry about having enough money. Another survey found that over 60% of people are unhappy in their work. Another suggests that over 60% have been subjected to some form of bullying at work.

But, if you're not living the life you really want in the "real" world, why not do something about it? Why devote your energies to some surrogate virtual reality? Has the state of the world really come to this?

You might say that it's escapism - and everyone needs a little entertainment. But news stories suggest that many people have lost the plot - somehow believing that they can build the life they don't have at the moment, in the virtual world. Bizarre. Even more bizarre when you realise that you can create the life you really want in this world.

Because, that's what you do at the moment. You're not aware of it, because it happens subconsciously, but years of work - at universities all over the world and the evidence provided by how some exceptionally successful people achieve their success - all confirm this. At present, right now, your thoughts create your life. You get what you expect. Expect something different and something different will happen.

Perhaps that sounds even more bizarre, but let's consider the evidence. Each moment of each day you react to situations you encounter - to people annoying you in traffic on the way to work, to someone you don't like at work, to your boss, to your staff. You react to your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Once you get familiar with anyone, you react to them. Otherwise, it would be just as exciting going to bed last night with your nearest and dearest as it was the first night!

When you get used to what's going on - and who it's going on with - you decline into habitual reaction. And because all this automatic behaviour started out when you were a child - when you were "young and impressionable", during your "formative years" - you've been reacting all of your adult life.

But there is something about your behaviour that you are actually aware of. Stop to think about it for a moment. Do you ever react to something and your reaction makes things worse, not better? Do you ever feel too "turned off" to do your best at work or at play - when you know that doing your best would make it so much better and more enjoyable? Do you ever feel bad about yourself or your behaviour when you know that feeling bad about yourself is self-destructive?

You see, our lives are one long string of reactions. Those reactions, which we don't seem to be able to control, are programmed into your subconscious mind. And they stop you having the life you really want and create the life that you currently have.

Abnormally successful people, on the other hand, replace their automatic reactions, by changing the programs in their subconscious mind. And anyone can do it - and that includes you. All you have to do is imagine or picture a moment that would really turn you on. I call these "perfect moments". Imagine what it would feel like to "have it all" - whatever "it all" is - what you would see, how you would feel, what you would hear - and smell and taste. Using all your five senses to "experience" that "perfect moment", imagine what it's like to have it already - and write it down as if you're there.

This might sound even more bizarre than "Second Life", but simply doing this can create a new First Life for you - the one you actually live in. A word of warning, though. Be very careful what you wish for - most of us haven't got a clue about what we really, really want.

Copyright (c) 2009 Willie Horton