Are you sometimes aware of judging others or yourself because of different behavior patterns? Could it be that people naturally react in a different way to similar situations and everyone is okay? Do you want to understand a basic difference so that you can have more love, harmony, and peace in your life?

As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I have learned many important insights from my clients. As I objectively listened to them, I noticed a definite pattern that they were unaware of, and that was causing them to be judgmental of others and themselves.

Helping clients to understand and accept their natural behavior type gave them more clarity and acceptance. Many felt great relief to find out that they were okay. They also had more confidence that they could understand others and improve all of their relationships. As a result, love and harmony replaced their fears and frustrations.

What is the difference between left-brain (thinkers) and right-brain (feelers) dominant people?

Everyone has the ability to think and feel. However, many people make all their decisions with their logical mind. These individuals are usually good at business but often have trouble in their relationships with people who make their decisions based on their feelings.

When I counseled typical couples that were having problems in their relationships, I discovered that the man was a primary thinker and the woman was focused on her feelings. About ten percent of the time the opposite was true. I believe that many more men are predominately feelers but they were trained early when they cried or admitted that they were scared with comments like, "Be tough. Don't be a sissy." In other words, it was not okay to feel or express their feelings.

These two inherent strengths (the ability to think and the ability to feel) especially take command when a person is frightened or upset. Therefore what happens when the couples get into an argument can be likened to two people riding on parallel trains going sixty miles an hour. Of course, since they are not on the same train, they cannot hear each other. Instead, the feeling woman is likely to feel alone, emotionally abandoned, and think, "He is so cold and insensitive." Whereas the thinking person will probably be frustrated and oblivious and have these thoughts, "She's so illogical. Why is she overreacting?"

In order to resolve their issues, they need to be on the same track. In other words, they both need to be in their left-brain (logical, thinking, functioning) mode or their right-brain (feeling, intuitive, creative) mode.

For example, if they are working on their checkbook, it is appropriate for both people to be in their left-brain, logical mode. However, if feelings are involved, then both need to be coming from their right brain. Hopefully, when you are physically intimate with your loved one, you are both in your feelings.

If you want to be in your left, logical mode, simply say, "I think that __." Complete the sentence with a thought. For example, "I think that we are paying too high an interest rate."

To be in your right, feeling mode, just say, "I am feeling __." Finish the sentence with feeling words. For example, "I am feeling sad and frustrated (angry, scared, or happy)."

Notice that I began each sentence with the precious word, "I." That is always important to do so that you take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings.

Now that you are more aware of the two parts of the brain and how to communicate more effectively, you have a better chance of avoiding arguments and resolving problems. The insights and solutions can help you enjoy the healthier and happier relationships you deserve. Go for it!