With every magazine these days featuring baby boomer articles, you read a lot about how those of us over 50 are enjoying our lives as never before. We're that special generation that ?changed everything.? We're told we are spoiled silly and believe we are entitled to everything.

We're told life is good. Our kids are grown and out of the house; We finally have enough money to do the things we want; We have plenty of time to travel; We're physically fit ? we walk, we jog, we ride bikes. We are happily planning our retirement: we love spending time with our grandchildren; 60 is the new 40; Our sex lives are better than ever.

What a lot of crap.

Wake up all you over 50plus-ers and look around. Better yet, look in the mirror. Get it. We're being brainwashed.

Okay, it's time to pay the truth game.

I don't know about you, but I had a better body in my twenties and thirties than I do know. I was definitely more attractive. Women on the street checked me out. My stomach was hard (so were other parts of my body). I had more hair on my head and it wasn't gray, thin or wispy. I didn't have to ?touch it up.? My skin was skin-color not grayish. It was taut, unwrinkled and didn't have ?those horrid age spots.?

I rarely needed Tums and hadn't even heard of Metamucil, let alone use it regularly. I could hear everything and my memory was terrific. My teeth were whiter, my eyelashes were longer and my ears were normal size and not getting bigger.

When I lied about my age it was to make myself older. I never ever considered pulling my cheeks back ?just to see? how I might look if I had a face-lift. I didn't have nose hair, ear hair or back hair. My toes didn't have tufts.

As far as mid-life crisis and my wife's menopause? What are you talking about?

My career was exciting and I was respected for my talent and intelligence. People in my profession knew who I was. When I called someone, the secretary would put me through and never ask me ?does he know you? or ?what is this in reference to?? My company paid me what I was worth and I got promotions and raises. I didn't worry about some younger guy replacing me for half my salary. Jobs were abundant other than a clerk at Home Depot or ?welcome to Walmart.? I had confidence in my abilities and I had money in my wallet.

There was family. I had cousins and aunts and uncles who were all still alive. There were weddings, births and bar mitzvahs. My parents were around and were proud of me.

I had lots of friends. Hanging out and getting stoned was what it was about. I seemed to laugh more. New experiences happened all the time. I shared summer houses at the beach and ski houses in the mountains. My vacations were adventures. Every day was NOT the same.

I looked forwards to my birthdays. I looked ahead, rarely back. I never mentioned or cared about the old days. I never read articles about aging or old people. I hardly knew anyone who died.

I didn't have major health concerns. I didn't have to have my prostate checked or consider colonoscopies. Viagra wasn't invented yet and that was fine by me. I didn't use anti-depressants, my cholesterol was good and my blood pressure was normal. I didn't need glasses, not even for reading. I never looked at the ingredients on labels and I didn't care about my sugar, salt, fiber or saturated fats.

Call me superficial. Are these things what's really important in life? DUH, what do you think?

I realize all that I mentioned are part of life and I accept that fact reluctantly. And I guess that's my point. Just stop ramming that boomer nostalgia down my throat. We so-called boomers are not a feel-good club. I couldn't give a rat's--- about hula hoops and Davy Crockett hats.

I'll do my best to end my rant on a positive note. I'm still here and (more or less) healthy. I have a pulse and I think I learned a lot in those 50+ years. (I can zip through The New York Times crossword puzzles.) After all these years I think I'm finally a good person. I like a lot of people and some actually like me.

Here's the ironic part: I believe in the ?Let Life In? philosophy. I believe everything is part of life (sounds like I'm copping out) and although we don't always like it, we need to embrace it all.

Hey, do we have a choice?