The rules of good nutrition keep changing. Coffee's good for me, it's bad for me, everything in moderation is fine for me. Stop! This revolving door approach to what is and isn't good for me is making me indignantly dizzy. Scientists can put men on the moon. Why can't they figure out what I can put in my stomach? If it were up to me, there'd be five, basic, unchanging rules.

Rule #1 would be to eat a balanced meal. Before you scowl and complain about not being able to eat leftover pizza for breakfast, you still can. Eating a balanced meal just means that your first helping has to weigh the same as your second helping.

Rule #2 would be to plan your meals around the two, basic, food groups. I know. You thought that there were four groups; but there are only two - yummy and yucky.

Rule #3, drink eight glasses of water a day. This isn't easy, so be sure to let the ice cubes melt in whatever you drink before you finish drinking it.

Because our bodies don't make vitamins and because McDonald's doesn't serve them, rule #4 would be to take a multiple vitamin every day. Vitamin C, for example, strengthens our immune system and thus has life-saving qualities. As a mother, I say if it helps me be immune to the frustrations of raising children, it definitely has life-saving qualities.

The important thing to remember about vitamins is not to take them on an empty stomach because you'll literally pass the opportunity to benefit from them. I used to feel guilty about having a croissant for breakfast, but not anymore. Now I think of the buttery rich pastry as a vitamin absorber.

Last, but not least, rule #5 would be to eat foods we KNOW are good for us. Alfalfa sprouts are good because they prevent water retention. Garlic is good because it reduces blood pressure. Red wine is good because it helps digestion. I'll drink to that. As for the alfalfa sprouts and garlic - well, one out of three isn't bad.

In fact, if I were a baseball player, one out of three would be good - so good I could pay someone to worry about what is and isn't healthy for me to eat. Yes, good nutrition is necessary for a healthy life. Unfortunately, the good in good nutrition doesn't mean tastes good.