Not only has our appearance changed (don't get me started!), but our opinions, habits and even our views of the world have evolved. Daily life has become such a laundry list of onerous chores that paying bills fells like relaxation by comparison.

Infertility, followed be a miscarriage, followed by 3 children in 2 years, a move to the big city all contributed to the neglect of our marriage in spite of our mutual devotion. It slowly occurred to me that real love is not something that happens to us, but something that requires a daily choice.

Marriage, like cars, need maintenance tune-ups and occasionally more major repairs. My husband and I decided to commit to spending more time together and to use that time efficiently. Problem was, we had no "extra" time. Like Anna Quindlen says, "Our days were like a cross between a decathalon and stations of the cross".

Over the past year, since both of our schedules showed no signs of easing, we committed our exercise time as the most available time for togetherness.

First, we evaluated what activites we both enjoyed, figuring that the couple that plays together, stays together.

We committed to three 20 minute workouts per week and at the end of each week we had a "date night" which was at least one hour to talk. Then we realized that if we spent our workout time during that week reviewing marital skills like communication, resolving conflict, meeting each other's needs that we could then discuss it at our end-of-the-week date night.

What we found out surprised us!First, we found out that our workout time had been cutting into our time spent with each other.Secondly, that exercise became a metaphor for a marriage, because working out had a way of flushing out issues. As we got to sweat together, we accepted more fully each others' weaknesses(him) and admired each others' strengths(me).

We also realized that, not only are our bodies different, but how and why we exercise are different too.

We couldn't do every exercise together. I need more stretching and my husband needs to work on his abs. What we committed to is using our workout time to think about and discuss marital issues. We picked several marriage topics and used this as our guide.

Something amazing happened! We rekindled that young passion we started with two decades before.Becoming proactive, we were tuning up our marriage while toning up our (aging) muscles. Not death-defying but possibly divorce-defying!

This pattern of regular workout time spent together is the first investment in not growing apart.

Here's the plan.Pick a list of activities both of you enjoy. If you cannot come up with a list of compatible activites, perhaps you will walk while he runs, looping back every few blocks or you do stretches while he focuses on ab work. At the end of the week, you meet for date night to discuss this week's topic and complete a few questions.

Did I forget to mention that one possible topic is "Good Sex"? Women, this is your hook to get those disinterested mates on board!

As Larry and I draw nearer to that 20th anniversary milestone, we may be in the "autumn" of our life together but this exercise program has helped us rekindle a bit of "spring" in our step and some "summer" in our marriage.

There's nothing like a program to work up a sweat outside the bedroom. Let's Tune it up!