After all the months of preparation and the excitement of the birth, you're back home and at last you're a family. Now you can get down to the serious business of learning how to care for your child as he grows and develops from a small, vulnerable baby to a social, communicative one year old. It's immensely rewarding, but there's a lot to do and it's a full time commitment from the start.

Finding A Pattern

When you become a new parent, perhaps the most difficult thing to adjust to is the fluidity and unpredictability of your new life style. Most people's lives have very distinct patterns, based on doing roughly the same things at roughly the same times, and they feel disoriented if this structure dissolves. Alternatively, you might be used to doing what you want exactly when you want to do it. Bur trying to impose this sort of order lines's on a young baby is the equivalent of spitting into the wind. If you can both relax and follow your baby's lead, a pattern of some sort will eventually emerge.

Following Your Baby's Lead

Ignore any one who tells you that you shouldn't pick up your crying baby because he's only exercising his lungs or he'll cry him self back to sleep in a minute very young babies shouldn't have to wait. If a baby learns that he has to scream for ten minutes to receive attention, he is laying down a pattern of behavior that you will not appreciate in the future. So called good babies are either those who are contented because all their needs are met promptly, or those who have been taught by experience that their needs won't be met at once and have become apathetic. You cannot spoil a young baby except by imposing a regimen that is governed by the clock and by placing your needs be fore his. This is what will lead to his becoming discontented and hard to pacify. Helping him to separate his needs from others' needs will come much later on in his development.

Changing Your Priorities

If you're both following your baby's lead, you'll have to learn to be as relaxed as possible about things like meal times and house work, even if you normally have a set routine and are house proud. It's much more important for both of you to concentrate on becoming skilled and confident in the practical care of your baby. Initially, there may seem to be a lot to learn, and you'll feel clumsy and nervous (every body does), but you'll soon find that it becomes second nature, and you'll gradually develop a routine that allows you time to fit in household chores at some point in your day.

If you Feel Low

If either or both of you feels disillusioned or dissatisfied with what you imagined you would be experiencing at this time, you're not necessarily depressed, you're probably just worn out. This is natural you're both tired. If the baby is fractious, a mother may feel that some how it is her fault and she may also be suffering from the baby blues while a new father may feel inadequate if he's unable to help as much as he'd like, because he's at work. Don't worry you'll both soon begin to adjust to the new situation, but if negative feelings persist, talk to your health care provider. They'll help you to realize that lat's of people feel the same way, but will also be able to tell if you're suffering from the signs of actual postpartum depression, which is easy to treat if recognized early on.