Imagine I was coaching you on something as straightforward as catching a ball. We might conclude that keeping your eye on the ball would be a useful quality to bring to the task. Let's consider four ways I might try to help you do that.

1. "Watch the ball!"

2. "Are you watching the ball?"

3. "Why aren't you watching the ball?"

4. "What do you notice about the ball as it comes towards you?"

Let's consider the impact of these. 1 is a command. You don't get any input or feedback on what to do differently and if you don't like me or feel under pressure, you'll probably elect to look at something else. 2 is a closed question. You will probably answer, yes, but I won't know if you were truly watching the ball or not. 3 is an interrogative question and likely to be met with a defensive, justifying response. Only 4 is a coaching question because you cannot answer it without paying attention to the ball.

What if instead I was coaching you on something complex like selling. We might conclude that asking your customers open questions would be a useful quality to bring to the task. Again, here are four ways I could try to help.

1. "Use open questions!"

2. "Are you using open questions?"

3. "Why aren't you using open questions?"

4. "How would you judge the effectiveness of the open questions that you ask?"

Contrast approaches 1 and 4. 1 will create anxiety and tension or fatigue and resentment. 4 will have me thinking about the questions I'm asking and deciding on what basis I would rate their quality. I really have to think about the questions I'm asking to do this and I get an incredible insight into their differing effects. Powerful stuff.

Which approach will promote best focus on the qualities you're seeking to develop? In the same way that the ball can teach us how to catch, our customers can teach us all we need to know about selling our products and services. Similarly, our staff can teach us all we need to know about how to get the best from them. We just need to become keen and attentive students. We need, in other words, to focus on the right things. Using coaching questions creates focus infinitely better than commands and instructions, we've just become used to a command and control world. About time we developed some new habits don't you think.

What do you notice about.....?