Dr. James Lehman, author of the Total Transformation program, asserts that children are unaware of how to solve problems. This leads them to act inappropriately. They use this faulty skill to force someone other than them to fix the problem. Using the hints in Total Transformation, a parent can teach their kiddos what they need to know in order to figure out how to solve their problems. These tools will encourage responsibility taking and accountability.

Here are three strategies that you will give a straight forward direction in changing things and doing so immediately.

1. Make direct statements. Be straightfoward in telling the child what you want, be firm and clear, then walk away. Don't be worried that you are seeming powerless here. You have placed the responsibility and accountability for his actions squarely on his shoulder and that is powerful!

2. Disconnect. Stop talking with the child if they become abusive and disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum and things will turn around right away. We started using this strategy and are amazed at the response. Communication does not resume until they admit their responsibility.

3. Theconsequences should be task-oriented and time-limited. Whenever you can, connect the consequences to the behavior. For example, "you can't play outside until you clean your room". It is important to note, you are unable to punish the child into acceptable behavior. Consequences should be short term, not a jail sentence.

Finally, be prepared for the long journey! They will develop these skills. But change and thankfullness don't come at once. Blame will eventually become gratitude. Be patient!

A couple of notes - Don't allow your child's words or actions to affect your handling of the situation. Being consistent is the number one rule in parenting. However, if you mess up, don't be too hard on yourself. We are also in parenting training (or retraining). One thing you can count on, you will get a second chance to try out your new skills!