It seems you're always faced with motivating someone to do something. You want your children to get better grades, salespeople to work harder, customers to buy, boss to advance you, your spouse to treat you better or others in the department to take a deeper interest in their work.

There is a rule that you can follow that will enable you to achieve those objectives. In other words, be a good motivator. You have heard this rule before, "To the extent that you give others what they want, will they give you what you want."

The secret of this rule is that you must give others what they want first. Then they will give you what you want. Most people do not discover this. That is why motivation of employees is said to be the number one business problem of America today.

Most people try to employ the rule in an opposite way. The employer says, "Let the individual put forth the effort then I'll give the raise. One spouse thinks, I wouldn't be so grumpy around the house if my mate would show a little more love and affection toward me. The sales manager waits until the sales person achieves the high standard performance before recognition is given.

But you see, that's applying the rule backwards. That is like saying, "I'm going to wait for you to give me what I want, then maybe I'll give you what you want. You must give others what they want first. This is the key to motivating others.

But what do others want? Is it money or personal benefits that people want most? It is all called psychic satisfaction. People will work harder for psychic income than they will for monetary income! People need more than financial security. They need boss security, leadership security, person to person security.

And people look to you for that psychic security. Unethical conduct, dishonesty, favoritism or undercover deals never motivate anyone to high levels of achievement. People must see that you settle issues and make decisions on the basis of fact and logic rather than emotion. They must know that you like them, respect them, understand them and accept them not only for their strong points, but also for their weaknesses. They want you to be fair. They must see you have integrity and a set of values that they can depend on. Your standards must be ones that stimulate the best in others.

Why? It is believed that as many as ninety percent of the things we do are prompted by a desire to feel important. Unfortunately, most of a person's experience is communicating exactly the opposite message.

Let's take Josh. He feels like a born loser. Here's why... The other kids call Josh peewee, the teachers tell him he's stupid and lazy, his mother nags him about his sloppy appearance, he's told that he sure doesn't have the ambition and spirit kids had when his dad was a boy. He doesn't make the football team, girls don't like him, the customers bawl him out and call him names, everybody else at the office is trying to get ahead of him, nobody thinks he is important, especially Josh, himself.

Now you come along. You want to motivate Josh, so you make him feel ten feet tall and bulletproof. You overlook his crooked nose and big ears. You tell him he has the greatest smile in the world. You become the coach that thinks he could be the star quarterback. You're the one that sees him being the president of the company. You become a lot of people to him - the people he wanted to impress but didn't. You see him as a human being loaded with untapped potential and you go out of the your way to express this attitude.

By your treatment of him, do you think Josh will be motivated to give you what you want, too? Motivating people by noticing the best in them first is extremely powerful, both to the recipient and to you. Apply these principles in all of your relationships, starting right now, and your world is in in for a dramatic positive change!