The nagging style just won't achieve anything except getting yourself emotionally stressed out, whereby defeating the object of actually being able to help somebody who means such much in your life. You can't get through to an alcoholic with verbal strength as it will just make the situation worse. You need to take the gentle and loving approach in order to win over the alcoholic and make some significant ground.
You must always bear in mind that you are helping the person that you married and loved and not the alcoholic. Ignore them when they have got a drink inside them and they are looking for an argument and ignore any form of emotional nonsense. Make sure it sinks into them the fact that you will not be provoked when they are drunk and stick to your guns.
I guarantee you that they will be extremely persistent and will try everything in their power to break you down, but remain firm. Avoid confrontation at all times by going into a different room, going out for a walk or just putting on some headphones and listening to some music. You are the key to this and only you have the power to make them really see the problems they have.
It is a very sad fact that the person on the receiving end is as mentally and emotionally ill as the alcoholic himself. This is why the innocent party must set their own limits for what they are going to take from their partner while they are drunk.
Whatever you do, dont allow them to see that their behaviour is affecting you as their whole ploy is to irritate you, so make sure you don't give them that satisfaction. When they do get into a state turn your back on them and try and see right through them to the person you used to know and love.
Their addictive behaviour should not be supported by you in any way including assistance to get into bed. You should not allow them to drive while drunk and don't let them force you into doing anything to help them while drunk. Never buy alcohol for them and definitely don't do anything special for them.
When they are sober you need to do the exact opposite(except buying booze), and tell them just how much they mean to you and that you are concerned about their health. Tell them or remind them of the terrible things that you and the rest of the family have to support while they are drunk as they really do need reminding.
All these points will make life living with an alcoholic just that little bit more easier and it will aid the burden of their abuses towards you. Sadly in a way you are not alone and you can discover other peoples experiences at the stopdrinkingadvice.org blog and it will soon come to light that your world can change and your partner too.